"Try This" List

Last night I ended up in tears.  Yes.  More drama.  It feels like my fear of being that lapband candidate that fails seems to be coming true.

I knew I would drop weight, but I feel like I'm starving myself  through nausea and this darn fauxmitting.

It's now been 4 days of this same thing.  So, after a good cry and a long talk with my mom I'm taking charge of my healing.

Try This List...

1.  No dairy (maybe lactose sensitive now?)
2.  No vitamins (multi vitamins make me sick...maybe children's chewable s and b12 are the same?)
3.  Liquid purée protein for more energy in the AM (purée chicken noodle soup)

I'm going to try this for the next week and see what happens...

Doc hmmm'ed about a possible gall bladder thing too.  So researching that is a must.

What else am I not thinking of???

Drama Rama.

I'm getting all paranoid about eating stuff.

Drama cooldown.

Its only been TWO WEEKS.

Two weeks is not enough time to get ANYTHING understood or squared away.

Ok...done kicking the patootie to cool the drama rama.

PS.  Doctor appt tomorrow because I had two more bouts of fauxmitting (dry heaves).  funny eh?  The fauxmitting word....not the dry heaving.  Made up compliments of my hubby.

Week 2

Well, it's officially been 2weeks since I lapbanded.

Starting weight: 264.4
Pre-surgery weight (after a week of liquid diet): 261.6 (-2.8)
1week post-op weight: 249.3 (-12.3)
2 week post-op weight: 243.6 (-5.7)

Total post-op loss - 18

Is it crazy that despite these weight loss numbers I'm still on the fence about this procedure?  I'm not sure if its really working or not.  Let me tell you what I mean...

Today I was supposed to be able to start eating mushies...but the truth is I can eat anything.  It all goes down.  I try and stick to the diet recommended, but when there is pot roast on the table and I'm sucking down cottage cheese I'm finding it incredibly difficult not to "cheat."

Then I wonder if its really cheating or not?  I don't know...it's not like I can never eat pot toast again, but they go to the mushies stage to continue the healing process so maybe I'm cheating my healing body?  Buh...it's all very mysterious to me still.  I think I should feel some kind of restriction, but I don't so meanwhile I stress about not doing it right or ruining my chances...gaaaah!

The good news is I did some research and read some articles and the reality is that until I get the first fill in the band I won't feel that restriction I'm thinking I should already have.

But in the meantime I eat very little because I think I should be, but I know I can't keep this up.  I'm already hungrier and craving real foods and what happens when I finally cave...or finish the next two weeks of "mushies" (that I will probably keep cheating on a little) and then I gain it all back.

It's one of those fears...the fear of failure.

So the next smart thing I did was find yet another success story and read it and remind myself that this is going to be a long process...both the weight loss as well as the brain change...seeing success and seeing changes and feeling success and feeling changes.

Oh miserable gas!

That stomach gas that keeps plaguing me came back last night.  That's 4times in two weeks making it every 3-4 days this dry heaving up air bubbles occurs.  This time it hit me while DRIVING!  On the freeway!  With my kids in the car.

I will never forget my 4 year old saying from the backseat, "oh mama!  Your tummy is hurting again!    Just throw up in that glass!" As we speed along at 70 mph.  It happened too fast to even pull over.

And while I'm not really throwing anything up the pain is overwhelming.  I'm going back to see the doctor on Friday to have him check some things out.  He said two things...

1.  This is not something that is caused because the band is in wrong or because its slipped or that there is something wrong in my abdomen.
2.  This is not normal behavior and he may want to do extra testing.

As usual, I woke up this morning feeling perfectly fine.  I really want to figure this out.  I think I've said it before, but this cannot be my norm.

Getting hungry...

I've hit the hunger point.  I don't want liquid anymore and it's killing me to sit and drink broth these days.  So last night I had a little fish and rice.  It was pretty dang good.  I have to be careful with experimenting...I'm skipping over the "mushies stage" and I know there is a reason they ask us to follow a specific menu schedule.

On Wednesday I can start yogurt, applesauce, puréed food, etc.  I'm super excited about that.  I'm trying to not let my life revolve around food...and really it doesn't until that hunger hits then I think of all the things I want to eat...not what I can eat.

Plus it doesn't help that the Food channel has been on TV lately.  Its like a punishment...I just watched a show about BBQ around the world.  Divine.

I ate a cheese stick!

I ate a cheese stick tonight.  I wasn't supposed to.  I'm supposed to be on a total liquid diet right now, but they allow cream soups and I just needed  wanted some other kind of sustenance.  I know someone who chowed on a ceasar salad at week one so it can't possibly hurt me THAT bad, right?

So anyway...i took great care to try and make it liquid...I chewed tiny pieces of that cheese stick up into the mushiest it could possibly get.

It was so good.

I was tired of soup.

I think I'll want to remember what I was eating clear back here at the start of my journey.  I mean I'm  really limited in my options...protein drinks, jello, pudding or popscicles (sugar free) and creamed soups with NO chunks.  so, here is a sampling of my diet...even if this is a little atypical because of my bout of dry heaves...

Today was a BIG food day for me...maybe because I ate nothing the last 2days?

Today's food:
1c. Carnation instant BF no sugar w/skim milk
1/4c. Butternut squash soup
2TBS sugar free pudding chocolate
1sugar free Popsicle
1string cheese

Yesterday's food:
1/8c. Carnation instant BF no sugar w/skim milk
1 sugar free Popsicle

Day before that:
1c. Carnation instant BF no sugar w/skim milk
3TBS butternut squash soup

1 Week Post Surgery Weigh-In...

I had my official doctor's visit today and based on their scale which matches pretty close to my scale...

Starting weight: 264.4
Pre-surgery weight (after a week of liquid diet): 261.6
1week post-op weight: 249.3

Wow!

12.3 pounds!  I know this rate of loss won't keep up but it was shocking to see that gone so quickly!  Feeling very good today about my choice to band.