Back from my "honeymoon!"

Well, I'm resurfacing from finally getting my deployed hubby back home after another year in Afghanistan.  Its been SO GREAT to have him home.  But can I tell you he wreaks havoc on my eating and will power! 

I was surprised at how hard its been for me not to snack incessantly which is what I used to do before he left...I thought old habits were gone, but his return seems to have brought them back full force.  The good news is that I haven't gained...I seem to be maintaining, but thats ALSO not what I want.  I want to LOSE. 

198 pounds is a heck of a lot less than I started out at, but I'm ready to see 180's then 170's and so on...I got restarted in Zumba last week too...that will help...time to remember why I stopped doing the same old things and why a new lifestyle is required for me to keep feeling as good and as healthy as I do today!

But...its all worth it.  I love having him home.

And my favorite comment from him was, "I saw you walking toward me and it took me a minute to realize that you were my wife!"

I LOVE looking THAT different!

One year ago...

I was inspired by Carolina girls blog and started to reminisce a little today.  One year ago I had just been diagnosed a type 2 diabetic and was told my cholesterol was out of control.

I cried.  And cried and cried.

I went home afraid to tell my husband because I thought he wouldn't love me anymore.  My self worth was so diminished I thought that being sick made me no longer worthy as a wife or mother.

I was angry at myself for killing myself before my babies were old enough to understand.  At the time one was 5 and the other was 7 months old.  My life was over and nothing would ever be good again. Mortality had just punched me in my face.   I was sure nothing would ever be the same.

That last fear was the one that came true.  Despite my doctor discouraging me I went to my first informational weight loss surgery meeting and i was right...nothing would ever be the same again.

Here I am one year after that initial diagnosis.

66 lbs lighter

My A1C started at 8.1 and is now 6.1

My cholesterol is 99

I run without heaving.

I laugh more

I smile more

My kids are happier

Everyone eats healthier.

I know I've got years and years of life ahead of me...full of activity and adventures.

To say that my lapband surgery saved my life isnt true.  I SAVED MY LIFE.  My lapband helped me make better decisions.  I chose to change my eating habits.  I chose to exercise.  I chose to keep going even when it was hard.  And there have been times it has been really really hard.

What was it that David from this seasons Biggest Loser show said...something about how taking that first step was when I became a success story.

I'm not done yet.  I'm not even close to being done....but if you are just starting out...take my word for it.  It's all worth it.

Don't give up!

Hoping I made the right choice

I got a fill this morning...a small one.  Just .5ccs bringing me to 6.5ccs in my band.  I waffled on if it was the right choice or not.  Mostly because I'm right in the middle of Green and Yellow zones.

So...I'm not hungry (green), but I can eat large portions if I want, I snack between meals, and I'm fighting hard for a lost pound.(yellow)

It's great that the band is adjustable...and I'm hoping this small fill will bump me into the perfect green zone space.

And on the other hand I'm hoping this wasn't an overfill because maybe I snack because of habit or head hunger or maybe I have too large a portion because of self control.  And that's not going to get fixed by a fill...that's all in my head...

My normal doc is deployed.  (Boo!  Hiss!). He left in January and thankfully it's only a 6 monther so he'll be back in June.  He also just happens to be the only doctor able to do lapband surgery.  The doc I saw today apparently can do a fill, but not surgery.  No clue how all that works, but whatever.  

So my experience with her was weird.  She kept hitting something hard on the port while she was trying to find the opening with the needle...and I could feel it hitting...it made my teeth rattle.  Then when she sucked out the fluid to make sure there was no leaking it was the first time I'd been able to feel that happen.  Very strange sensation...and even worse when she put it all back in it took my breath away.  

I see her again at the end of March then I am hoping my doc is back to work before my next appt needs to take place.

Oh!  And I was back in ONEDERLAND this morning thanks to 9 hours of sleep.   198.6.  Woohoo!

Too sleepy for Fat Tuesday.

I weighed in this morning...no picture because I had left my phone downstairs and was way too lazy to go get it.  Its because I was soooo tired.  I started watching this season of the Biggest Loser on DVR a few days ago and last night was like a BL Binge-a-thon.  It was ridiculous.  I was up until almost 3 AM watching this show...and thats after being up two nights ago until 4AM watching the show...

The good news is I'm all caught up on the show. *insert sarcasm*

The bad news is that my children get up between 6-7AM and theat means I do to...and when I'm lacking sleep I'm ALWAYS fatter.

Truth.

So I did a little research and sure enough....not enough sleep will make you FATTER.

Check out this article here.

So first, the later you stay up the more you eat.  They say about 6% more calories than the other boring old people that hit the hay by 9PM...

Second...lack of sleep actually alters your fat cells.  They become less sensitive to insulin.  That was super interesting to me.  Being a type 2 diabetic...I wonder if my night owl tendencies had much to do with eventually coming to that diagnosis!

Finally...lack of sleep ages your fat cells approximately 20 years.  Also making them less efficient/effective and lowering your metabolism.

So...is it any wonder that I weighed in this AM at 201.  Making me really grumpy and irritated that there was a 2 on that scale. 

So I'm hitting the hay early tonight and I'm going to do a Fat Wednesday weigh in tomorrow AM and see where it brings me back to.

And in the meantime I'm going to practice the art of being old and boring and go to bed EARLY for the next week to see if it helps me lose weight.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....