Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Picture Day!

So I had my first, "woah...have you lost weight?" comment and I cannot tell a lie.  It totally boosted my ego and made me feel pretty dang good.

So, I started looking at photos...and check it out...focus on the chipmunk face...the poochy cheeks, the threatening double chin...And you can ooh and aah over that little munchkin of mine too.  That was when he was just a few months old!  I always lost weight on my I'm probably around 240 here...about 15 pounds ago.

I actually thought I looked pretty skinny in this photo.  But those cheeks are still there and note the downward angle of the camera to keep the fatty face looking thinner....Definitely at least weighing 260 here.

And then without the downward angle its a full round face.  This was a couple of summers my "normal" high of 265-270ish.

And this last one...I took about 2 weeks after surgery.  I was at about 250.  We went hiking in the Smokies...

And then I took a photo today with my phone and couldn't believe how different I looked!  At least I thought I looked I dreaming it?  I'm not looking down.  It was a straight on selfie.  I'm not smiling, I guess...that would pooch those pinchable cheeks some, but even my chin is more defined.
And this is just a little something fun I took at a fun house...can't wait until the fun house photo is closer to my reality!  (I'm in black with the camera!)

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Fat Tuesday Weigh In

I wish I could spice up every fat tuesday post with mardi gras beads an a mask.  Instead today you get a miserable looking pedicure and my bathroom floor which I may or may not have mopped this week.  I'm not telling.

So my weigh in started with this... a 0.2 gain from last week...

Then I stepped on the scale a second time and it said this...a 0.4 loss for the week...

And because we all know the imperfect nature of scales I'm calling it a loss and I'm perfectly happy with that considering I feel like a bloated water buffalo right now...poor water buffalos that get so much bad rap.  The reality is something a little more like this...

Monday, July 29, 2013

Tic Tac or Tac Tic?

I am an English Major.  I tell you this because it bears relevance to this story about when hubby and I were playing Literati...(anyone remember that?  its Yahoo Game's version of the ever popular Words with Friends) but Facebook wasn't even invented at this point in my life and so we played online scrabble against each other frequently via Literati.

Now...My hubby thinks he is so much smarter than me.  And he is.  When it comes to useless trivia about who said what in a movie or which player scored a touchdown way back in 1993 at the Rose Bowl.  But, when it comes to word games he is NOT smarter than me and he hates that.  So...we are fiercly competitive and while it's never come near to causing us to say the words D.I.V.O.R.C.E.  (that was the game Phase 10...and a story for a different blog) it has caused us endless hours of fodder for needling each other when one of us makes a mistake.

What can I works for our relationship.

So...imagine our office setup...desks in an L and we are sitting with our shoulders/backs to each other...playing against each other.  We are also playing other games against a couple of other random Yahoo user players.  And one of these other random players wrote the word tactic.

Oh my everlovin' English major brain fart.

I could not for the life of me figure out what that word was.  And I should have known better, but I still opened my mouth and said OUTLOUD..."Hey...I know what a Tic Tac is...but what is a Tac Tic?"


And as soon as I said it I KNEW what I had just said...and knew I would never live this down...and then he busted up laughing.  And to this day when one of us mentions Tic Tacs...he has to bring up that story.

So...the point?  Tic Tacs are my new favorite friend.  See...I like something in my mouth at times...I may have some oral fixation issues (Freud would have a field day...) but there are times when I have in the past indulged in food simply because I wanted something in my mouth.  So I've changed to 1.9 calorie no sugar/carb/protein to speak of tic tacs in the Freshmint version.

We call them spicy Tic Tacs around here because they pack a little punch and my 4 yr old gets brave and decides she wants one every once in awhile...and then once it gets past the initial sweetness she screws her little mouth up and bears it as long as she can then runs to me with her tongue out and a little Tic Tac on it begging me to get it out!  Get it out before it burns a hole in her tongue!

What would the world be without 4 year olds?!

So just to end with a really bad play on new TACTIC to keep my mouth occupied are TIC TACS. 


But seriously...if you have that same need something in your mouth should try this.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

10,000 pound shoes

Here is what I know...I have a pair of awesome looking red webbed Puma tennis shoes with bright blue bottoms...they look like this, in fact..

And every night they gain 9, 997 pounds. (I'm guessing at that really because I don't think normally they actually weigh 3 pounds...or maybe they do...?)

Anyhow...the point is.  Getting those things on every morning is the h.a.r.d.e.s.t. thing in the world for me.

Here's how it goes.

Me...wake up.  Scowl when dreaded shoes immediately pop into mind.

Immediately put on sports bras, tank top and spandex exercise pants and socks, but not shoes because they are downstairs by the front door.  Try not to think about them.

Take a big drink of water.

If kids are awake take care of kids and feed them breakfast - eyeing my tennis shoes waiting by the front door.

While kids are finishing breakfast give the stink eye to the shoes one more time before finally succumbing and lugging myself over to them and dragging them to the couch and putting them on my feet.

drag my shoes and kids out to the garage. 

set up kids for 30 min. of self play. (Right... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)

step on treadmill...

Dreaded shoes realize I'm serious and lose 9,997 pounds immediately.

Exercise and feel AWESOME.


Question of the day...Why is it the idea of exercise is so icky, but the reality is so great? 

So my big news for the day?  8 weeks ago I could barely run 30 seconds without heaving for breath and feel like I was on death's doorstep.  Today I ran a SELF-INFLICTED TWO MILES without stopping.  I RAN the whole thing.  It took me 30 minutes and I pushed my baby in his buggy and my 4 year old hotwheeled along beside me.  She pooped out 1/2 way through and said next time she's riding in the buggy too...but I did it!  I did it!  I did it!  One more mile to add before my first 5K on September 21st.  And I'm hoping to decrease from a 15 min/mile to a 13 min/mile by my second 5K on October 13th. 

Holy Canola Oil!  I'm a runner!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

3 Month Bandiversary!

Welcome to the party blog.  Yup today is party blog day because I'm celebrating two fantastically awesome dates today.

First...its been 3months since my lapband surgery.  Three months and I'm going strong.  Three months and I'm thrilled that I took that plunge...but more on that later.

Second...its been 6 months since my hubby deployed.  Yup.  We are half way through another year deployment and there is nothing sweeter than tomorrow knowing we are on the way back down when counting the days.

So...are you dying to know how my Fat Tuesday weigh in went?

I'll give you a hint...  I'm very happy. 

YES!  That's a total of 36 pounds in the last 3 months.  Average that out to 12 pounds per month.  That's 3 pounds per week.  I can't complain.  I definitely won't complain.  I'm so in love with Steve Miller...(That's Steve Miller my lapband...) for the comparison photos.  Eeeek.

Let me preface this with how incredibly hard it is to post these photos.  I want to cringe when I see them.  Its all tied up in embarrassment, shame, know the drill...BUT... for accountability and follow through I may just have to completely throw my pride and ego on the ground and stomp on it a few times to make sure I remember exactly where I don't want to be E.V.E.R. again.

I will have to admit that I kept some pride in making these black/white instead of color.  That was my only concession to my ego. 

First...full frontal.  Note...this little too small bikini was a suit that I bought years ago when I declared myself as "going to lose the weight this time around."  I found it in a "skinny box."  Its never actually been worn except for these photos.  I can't wait until its too big to be worn in these photos!

Front - 3 months - down 36 pounds...Hmmm....ok...well, if we just start at the top...the boobs are smaller (and saggier...sigh...good thing I'm not opposed to a boob job when this is all done.)  Just by comparison in looks a tad smaller?  Could just be the angle of the photo?  I definitely see a difference in the hips and the belly rolls are not as "filled out."  I'm calling that a good thing.  I can definitely tell in normal clothes that the fat is sagging.
Side - 3 months - down 36 pounds...There is definitely a change.  It may just be gravity pulling it all down...I can't really tell exactly.  But...the belly rolls look less to me...that may just be my wishful boobs are definitely smaller and my butt is sagging.  Legs look about the same...arms about the same.
Back - 3 months - down 36 pounds.  Well, lookie here....I like this comparison. its not a huge change, but its a change!  I'm even nearly missing one whole back fat roll AND you can actually see the suit strap instead of it being hidden under a roll.  That is AWESOME.  I'll take it.  Yup.  Taking it.
Did you have fun at my party?  I'm a terrible food or drink and I talked about myself the whole time.  ha ha ha.
And so ends my 3 month bandiversary.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Fat Tuesday's reprieve...

Its Fat Tuesday!  That means I'd normally wow you all with a picture of my scale and announce that the numbers are still moving down down I have a reprieve because guess what tomorrow is...


So you will not only get a weigh in tomorrow, but you will get updated photos...And this time it won't be crazy liquid awesome...hopefully it will be a visible shrinking me. 

Fingers crossed.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Proof positive...

The real liquid awesome in action. Post workout, pre-shower...

I find it important to post unflattering photos of myself so that 1. I keep my ego from ever inflating and 2. I remember where I came from once I make it to where I'm going. So, just for good measure...

And just to inspire us for tomorrow's Monday morning ugh-fest (which I always participate in so I'm preempting my bad attitude now with a little tushy kick) here are a few thoughts from people who have accomplished pretty incredible things because they set their mind to it.  

You do know that WE are some of those people.  I am one of those people.  I am so excited that my aspirations and goals and the hard work I'm putting in to acheive them will allow me to reach my potential.  No more waiting on the sidelines.  No more watching others try what I wish I could do.  No more fear that I'll break something, embarass myself, or fail because I'm too fat. 

 Phew...that little rousing speech made me feel like Braveheart..."You have bled with bleed with me!"

Are you in war paint yet?

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
...Thomas Edison

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.
...Wayne Dyer

Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.

...Thomas Jefferson

Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now.

...Denis Waitley

And my personal favorite...

The 11th commandment...thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

What is your favorite motivational quote?

Friday, July 19, 2013


Its so hot here on the KY/TN border that even when I'm exercising early in the morning I suffer from drenching pouring sweat.  You know those commercials where the work out  person has strategic placed droplets of sweat that emphasizes the cleavage or pecs (on a man) and makes them glow with that healthy rockin' bod in shape aura and its a total turn on? not me.  I'm the stinky sweaty "OMG do not touch me!  Go take a shower!" kind of sweaty.  And I can honestly say that the past 8 weeks of exercise I've sweated harder than I ever have before...thus making it necessary to adopt my latest motto...

On me it's not's liquid AWESOME.

That's right.

Get on it...go make some liquid awesome. .

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Fat Tuesday...

Here in Fat and Sassy-land...every Tuesday is now a Fat Tuesday weigh-in party.  Yup...put on your beads and bangles and step on the scale with me.

Feeling awful groovy today...dropped 3.8 pounds this week.  Woohoo!

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Want Power

I shoulda been an ant.

Mindless follower just doing the same thing over and over.  At least it would be easier than having to be the master of my own destiny.

At least that's how I feel today.

I think I've mentioned before that weekends tend to be "bad" for me.  This one was no exception...exacerbated by having a houseguest who threw off my routine and at one point I actually thought to myself, "oh well, I'll just lose it again later."

What the flipperdoodles?

I had completely returned to my old way of can lose it later.  UGH!   The only problem is I never did lose it later and the pounds kept packing on.

So today I hop on Lapband Talk and the first post I see is by a girl who derailed this weekend like I did.  And the first response was exactly what I needed to hear...

"Want Power.  ...the idea that you want to lose weight MORE than you want to eat."

I did not have want power this weekend.  This weekend I wanted to stay fat.  Ouch.  Hurts to admit that.  Today?  Different day.  I want to lose weight.

Back on track.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Steve Miller...Band

I've got something to confess...

Some people call me a space cowboy....some call me the gangster of love...and I really love your peaches want to shake your tree...

Welcome to my all time favorite song in the world.  If you don't recognize it...its "The Joker" by the Steve Miller Band.  Its a great old rockin' song and I've loved it for as long as I can remember.  Plus it was written the year I was born and its highly possible that they knew someday a girl like me would need this kind of awesomeness and secretly wrote it for me!...or maybe not, but a girl can dream, right?  And because we all know my taste in music is superb you should definitely turn the volume up after you click play on this youtube link...

So whats the point?  It certainly wasn't to tell you about my joker, smoker or toker years (which actually don't exist because I've never been a smoker or toker and I'm NOT just saying that in case my mom reads my blog.) Its to tell you that I've decided I need a personal relationship with my lapband.

And just because I know SOMEONE out there is thinking this....the answer is NO.  No....its not enough that it sits inside my gut and will be there for life.

So...first I had the most important decision to my lapband a boy or a girl.  I settled on boy.  Yep.  And he likes to play video games, take long walks on the beach and give me heartburn.

Now that I know there is a he-band in was like the clever fairy knocked me on my head and I knew immediately that he was my rock-n-roll king.  So without further ado I'd like you to meet, Steve lapband.

As a side note the only other band I love nearly as much as Steve Miller is New Kids on the Block (I love Donnie Wahlberg 4EVA!) and while I would love to call my band just didn't feel right and I'd probably daydream about the real Donnie Wahlberg way too much and totally derail my lapband progress.  But, I can splurge a little on this post, right?  So, this is me 8 months pregnant meeting them in Stuttgart, Germany.  Oh yeah. 

I'm the hottie in the black t-shirt that says, "This is what happens when you party naked."  Of course referring to my giant pregnant belly...and as a side note that girl next to me in brown totally shoved herself in MY spot next to Donnie so I had to reach around behind and give his butt just a little pinch.

(Now do you see why Steve Miller was a better choice?) 


Monday, July 8, 2013

Will you go out with me?

When I was 10 we moved from hicksville Oregon to big city Oregon.  It was 1983...and while I hate to admit it...I was not cool.  Like I wore white corduroy knickers on my first day of school not cool...but I met a boy who lived down the street from me named Tim.  He was a year older and T.R.O.U.B.L.E.  and I loved it.  (Yes...the first of my bad boy boyfriends).

So Tim had his friend corner me in the elementary school library and ask me if I wanted to "go with him."  Him being Tim...And being from  hicksville I said, "Go where?"  And then his friend started laughing at me and said, "No, seriously..."  Giving me that look like duh...are you serious?  So of course I said yes without having any idea what i was actually agreeing to and that was how I managed to snag my first big city boyfriend.

So now take that little story above and apply it to my relationship with food.  I'm struggling these days trying to figure out what in the heck I've agreed to with this lapband.  There are so many schools of thought...
- eat only X number of calories
-eat whatever you want just get your protein in first
-calorie cycling up and down
-track it
-don't track it
Blah blah blah...

I'm in a whirlwind right now and I kind of feel like if I make a mistake and I are going to break up...and that is not a good thing.  I need to be besties with food.  We need to understand each other, never stab each other in the back and always want what's best for each other.

So, I'm working my way through figuring out how to eat like a buff skinny chick.  It's HARD.  I had 1/2 cup of soup tonight and that measly portion just didn't seem like enough.  But it was.

And I'm just putting this out there now, but if food does not cooperate I'm going to push it off the sawdust pile so I can win king of the mountain...just like I did with Tim.

And that is how I lost my first big city boyfriend.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

First NSV

Today's post is brought to you by the letters NSV and the number 1!

Lapband lingo time...NSV stands for Non Scale's the weight loss success that we see outside of the pounds lost.  Things we can do that we couldn't do before...things we can wear that were too tight...things other people notice and remark on...

I've been kind of wondering what my first NSV would be...and then it happened...last weekend at the pool.

Imagine me in my super stylish one piece suit with an underwire bra for added boobage support.  I'm swimming around with my kids...munchkin is dog paddling around with her arm floaties bouying her up and little man in a seated floaty kicking his chubby little thighs and splashing in the water when they blow the whistle for the 15 min break.

We paddle to the side of the pool.  I help munchkin out the hand her little man and then HOISTED MYSELF OUT OF THE POOL.  I didn't even stop to think about it...I just did it.

Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've hoisted myself anywhere?

It's always been pool ladders for me...which also sucks because they are usually rickety and old and unstable and even worse than a fat chick cannonballing herself into the pool would be the fat chick breaking the ladder and collapsing into the pool.

Yes, we worry about stuff  like this.

But not I can hoist.


Give Me Four!

Give me four!  Four cc's that is.  I had my second lapband fill today.  One more cc put in the band so I went from 3 cc's to 4 cc's and unlike the first time it didn't go quite as smoothly.

I started laughing in the middle of it AT MY DOCTOR which I'm not sure he appreciated...he just ignored me, but listen to my side of the story before you judge. if you've never had a lapband fill its important to know how they work.  First you lay on your back with a pillow under your small of your back to push your tummy up into the air.  I find it a good limbering stretch and not particularly uncomfortable just in case you were wondering.  Hahaha. then doc puts on a glove.  And the way he does this I can't help but think of every rubber glove joke in the book because doc very slowly and deliberately pulls that glove on and it's really long and goes all the way to his elbow.

So I'm already snickering in a preteen kind of way...

Then he puts the cleaning stuff on the belly and gives me the local that burns like a beyotch.  So now comes the fill needle (these suckers are like your worst nightmare needle) and when my doc is ready to stick me with it he makes me lift my head and hold a tight a stomach crunch.  Only this time he can't find the right port spot so here I am bent weird over a pillow holding a crunch for like AN HOUR (or maybe just a couple of minutes) and to take my mind off the  incredible burning pain from my lapband fill abdominal workout I am watching him dig that needle around in my belly, which is not an awesome sight.

And then I started to shake like when you've crunched so long that you can't hold it anymore and then it was the right moment thing where I'm chanting "hold it hold it" in my head and shaking like a workout queen and I look up and doc at the same moment found the port spot and he grinned (think a 4 yr old discovering cake for breakfast) in such a way that it made me laugh...the whole silliness of "shaking fat girl crunch" combined with "4 year old joy at success" and was one of those had to be there moments, maybe, but thanks for trying.

So say it with me...C'MON GREEN ZONE!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013


This is the second weekend in a row that I've over eaten and made really poor food choices.  I buy food for my husbands deployment care packages and then BAM! It's like I have no control and I dig into it...imagine a pig at a trough...that's what it feels like.

I hesitated making the whole pig anlogy because of the whole fat pig/degrading image thing...

Yup.  Still went there.

It's how I feel when I pull ridiculousness like that.  As a declared control freak the inability to be in control can be quite maddening.  I'm not sure how to fix this yet.  I've got to keep my brain in this game...gotta figure this one out....