Saturday, July 6, 2013

Give Me Four!

Give me four!  Four cc's that is.  I had my second lapband fill today.  One more cc put in the band so I went from 3 cc's to 4 cc's and unlike the first time it didn't go quite as smoothly.

I started laughing in the middle of it AT MY DOCTOR which I'm not sure he appreciated...he just ignored me, but listen to my side of the story before you judge. if you've never had a lapband fill its important to know how they work.  First you lay on your back with a pillow under your small of your back to push your tummy up into the air.  I find it a good limbering stretch and not particularly uncomfortable just in case you were wondering.  Hahaha. then doc puts on a glove.  And the way he does this I can't help but think of every rubber glove joke in the book because doc very slowly and deliberately pulls that glove on and it's really long and goes all the way to his elbow.

So I'm already snickering in a preteen kind of way...

Then he puts the cleaning stuff on the belly and gives me the local that burns like a beyotch.  So now comes the fill needle (these suckers are like your worst nightmare needle) and when my doc is ready to stick me with it he makes me lift my head and hold a tight a stomach crunch.  Only this time he can't find the right port spot so here I am bent weird over a pillow holding a crunch for like AN HOUR (or maybe just a couple of minutes) and to take my mind off the  incredible burning pain from my lapband fill abdominal workout I am watching him dig that needle around in my belly, which is not an awesome sight.

And then I started to shake like when you've crunched so long that you can't hold it anymore and then it was the right moment thing where I'm chanting "hold it hold it" in my head and shaking like a workout queen and I look up and doc at the same moment found the port spot and he grinned (think a 4 yr old discovering cake for breakfast) in such a way that it made me laugh...the whole silliness of "shaking fat girl crunch" combined with "4 year old joy at success" and was one of those had to be there moments, maybe, but thanks for trying.

So say it with me...C'MON GREEN ZONE!


  1. I appreciate this! LOL! So I wasn't afraid of fills until reading this! Agh!

  2. Here you prove--once again!--that you are a consummate humorist and writer, so I mean it--once we are done with booty bootcamp, we are headed to writer's boot camp, you and me! I'm nowhere near as good a writer as you, but I'll be your proofreader or your waterboy or something . . . .