Obsessive Compulsive Scale-watchomnia

I have a disease.

Its called Scale-watchomnia and I'm a little obsessive compulsive about it.  What that means is I find it fascinating how a weight can fluctuate through the day by as much as 5 pounds...in fact, I think my biggest spread was 8 pounds between a morning weigh in and an afternoon post lunch weigh in.

So I get on my scale a lot.  And by a lot...I mean anytime I happen to be upstairs and near my bathroom.

I've had people tell me that its unhealthy mentally to do this, but I've never been discouraged by my actual weight number  What discourages me is trying to pull a pair of pants over your hips and having to jump up and down to get them up.  Or having to suck in your gut to button and then you are in pain all day long (which I refuse to do, BTW).  Or looking at a photo and seeing a double/triple chin and hating to even LOOK at yourself because of it.  Those are mentally more deflating than any number on the scale that I've ever seen.

So this morning I got on the scale and it said...LO

WHAT?  I tried again...actually I tried about 4 times with the same results.

For now I'm going to take that to mean that I've been exercising so much and working so hard that even my scale is very proud of me.  "Way to go, Anna!  You have a LO weight!" 

And after I get the batteries changed in it...it will go back to telling me the truth. 

Running (wo)man

Anybody remember the 90's?  Actually, clarification - early 90's?  Those were the days when I wore Cross Color clothing to look rasta hip hop cool?

C'mon...Cross Colours?

No way you don't remember me running around in those bright red pants...or yellow.  Good lord...I really did dress like that...but even more than the clothes was the DANCE MOVES.

Little known fact:  I was voted "most likely to dance at random times" at our last family reunion and I blame thank my 90's dance crew for making that a reality in my life.

Like the Running Man...

Photo added to remind you exactly how cool one looks when performing the running man correctly.  I used to rock the HOUSE with my dance moves.

And then I lost the fire...the color...the moves...and got really fat.  Ugh.

So...this morning I got up at o'dark hundred and got ready to run on my treadmill as my first official day of my C25K program.  And just as I was heading downstairs both kidlets woke themselves up.  Now I know myself well enough to know that if I don't bust out the exercise in the morning...I can procrastinate and excuse away every other chance to do it...so I got those kids up and cooked them breakfast then stuck baby boy outside in the garage in his highchair and baby girl in a camp chair and they had their breakfast while I did my morning run.

And really this has nothing to do with the running man dance move except that when I am in good enough shape to not slip and fall or jiggle the bod all over the place I will once again be rockin' the house with my own running (wo)man dance moves...

Sabotage! Will I ever learn?

There is a saying in the lapband world that the band can curb hunger, but not head hunger.  For an emotional eater, such as myself, this could be the kiss of death for a successful weight loss.  So, in addition to learning how to eat better, slower, smaller portions and chewing to mush...I am also having to learn to ignore the head hunger cravings...

I am slowly winning the actual hunger battle.  It's not perfect yet.  I forget about the band and take a bite bigger thn I should...or eat too fast...or don't chew we'll enough...in fact it happened this morning when I had a piece of peanut butter toast stick firmly until I was able to choke it up.

But, I'm eating much less and exercising more...and as we all know...those two things are what creates an environment of weight loss.

I am not winning the other battle.  In fact, I am losing the head hunger battle in a spectacular fashion.  If i walk past candy...I eat it.  At night I crave carbs and give in.  It's not true hunger...it's bad habits and years of conditioning to soothe my emotions with food.  I miss my deployed husband.  We are working to keep our relationship together which is a huge source of anxiety.  I get stressed being the only responsible person for two small babies.  I am working part time on top of everything else...  And all those emotions want food...actually...they want processed carbs and sugar.  And I'm giving in.

Sabotage.  It's the same old story that I tell with every diet.  I start off strong then sanotage my good work.  Only this time it has to be different.  It's not an option to fail at this.

I started tonight.  I put the kids in bed and immediately I found myself in the kitchen wandering and looking for something to snack on.  Good thing I had prepared...there is nothing to eat that's not good for me food.  So...I had a slice of cheese and a sugar free Popsicle.

And I've upped my bedtime...if I'm sleeping I'm not eating.

I've now kicked my butt and now I'm off  to bed.

I made my goal!!!

Ooooh!  I've been so bad!  I didn't post on the 9th...and I promise it wasn't because I was bad and ate birthday cake.  Actually, I didn't even eat one piece of cake.  Not one.  I did, however, indulge in a rice krispie treat (lest you make the mistake and think me really disciplined!)

But the big lapband news of the day was that I made my goal!  Woooot!  Actually, I beat my goal.  So, I discovered when I got my first fill that the doc registered my starting weight at 264.  I hit 237 on June 9th - thats 27 pounds total!

Woohoo!

Now on to minus 50 pounds.  Oh, and photos.  I'm going to take photos and then on to minus 50 pounds by August 23rd...MY birthday.

First Fill

I loved my doctor appt today.  It's been a long time since I have said those words.

1.  My blood pressure was much lower than normal.
2.  I weighed in at 240.5 which equals 24 pounds lost!
3.  My pulse was lower than normal.
4.  I was in and out in 20 minutes.
5.  I got my first fill.  (3cc's in my 10cc band)
6.  I didn't cry like a baby with that huge 3.5 inch needle.

Success!

Just 5 days to lose 4 pounds...

5 days...4 pounds...

It sounds like an advertisement for a Biggest Loser campaign of some sort.  And let me just tell you that I'm going to be really grumpy if I don't meet my first goal of 25 pounds lost. 

I seem to be stuck at 240.4 right now...can't seem to budge that number.  I've been there for a week.  With an occasional pound up, but NEVER a pound down.  Maybe my scale is afraid of the 230's?  Its afraid I won't be back to visit as often?  That must be it.  I've got a pathetic, insecure and lonely scale.

HA!  I have put "Operation drop 4 pounds in 5 days" into full swing though. 

1.  I started the C25K yesterday.  I ran/walked for a good 30 minutes...with an extra 25 pounds of stroller pushing and a 4 year old on a hot wheel tracking alongside me.

Then on my off day, today, I did weight loss yoga with Bob from Biggest Loser.  Holy crap that kicked my butt.  I do not move that way.  Imagine a whale...not just any whale...I like to think of myself as a beluga whale...regardless...a whale that is in plank position.  Yup.  Thats what I FELT like...ugh.  I think the worst part about a yoga DVD is that you have to be able to see what they are doing and downward dog is not a position condusive to seeing a television screen.

2.  My first fill.  I'm going to make a scrapbook of my lapband and make a whole page for my first fill.  It is a big milestone in lapband world.  (did you know there is a whole community of banders that discuss this stuff?)  Anywho...it happens on FRIDAY!  Woohoo!  Super excited to see what, if any difference the first fill will make.  Most go on a full liquid diet for 24 hours after it and then slowly introduce food back into their bodies.  That ought to be at LEAST a pound or two's worth of effort???

And about that fill...I've been told its less pain than a blood draw.  Glad to hear that.  The size of that needle still makes me a little nervous.

So keep your fingers crossed that I can budge the scale down FOUR more points in the next 5 days.

Not meeting my goal is not an option.

Milestone! My first PB!

Hahaha...prepare to be grossed out.

So, I've been catching up in the lapband world trying to familiarize myself with the lingo.  I ran across the term PB early on.  

Dying to know what it stands for?

Productive Burp.

It's Definition in LB world is when you eat something that can't go down and it comes back up.  I know.  You are thinking that I should just call it throwing up, but wait!  There is more...because its not just the PB...it's the slime.

Yes, you read me correctly.  The slime.

Slime is the LB way to describe what happens before the PB.  It's foam and slime that comes up BEFORE the PB.

And yours truly has now experienced both those milestones.

The culprit?  Deli meat.  I didn't chew it enough.  

And yes, I learned my lesson and will forever more chew into mush.