Will vs Want

I am not a runner.  I've never been a runner.  I remember in 7th grade PE class they had a long run which was 20 miles (just kidding...I'm sure it was closer to 1.5 to 2.0 miles) and a short run (probably 1 mile total)  I HATED days we had to run...it didn't matter if it was long or short.  Of course I preferred the short run over the long run, but both of them made me miserable.

And I wasn't really even in that bad of shape back then. 

I think the weirdest thing is that as much as I dislike running I still always have wanted to be a runner...or at least very athletic.  I played softball and volleyball and loved both of those sports.  But, I just never excelled at either of them enough to keep me competitive in the sport through my high school years. 

ha ha...I guess you could say my fatness was exacerbated because I was only mediocre at sports. 

So, this week I start week 2 of the Couch to 5K program.  I did two weeks of week one.  I would walk/run 30 minutes total and averaged about 2 miles...so I'm pacing a 15 minute mile.  Not THAT bad, I guess.

But here comes week two where I run more and walk less...I'm wondering if it will really kill me or if it won't be that bad.

And I wonder if there will ever be a day when I'm excited to get out of bed and exercise via running...?

I love going to my zumba classes.  Couldn't keep me away from those.  They have that pumping music and I dance around and sweat like crazy and feel AWESOME when I'm done.  I feel the same after I run, but I have to literally force myself into my socks and shoes and onto the treadmill even though I KNOW it will be good for me, feel great and give me a much needed boost.  I just don't have the same excitement when it comes to the running...but, I am going to see this through to the end. 

That's my will speaking.  I will run a 5K.  Maybe even more than one.  I'm not promising myself that I will love running...I WANT to love running...and who knows....maybe someday I'll do that short run again and smile through the whole thing. 

Proud Owner...

My mother...my dear dear mother is now the proud owner of her own jiggly jiggly machine. 

Yes.

You heard me right.

She bought it.

I cannot stop laughing.

(and I can't wait to try it out!)

What in the bojiggly jiggly?

My mom called me the other day to tell me about a "NEW WEIGHTLOSS MACHINE THAT IS SIMPLY AMAZING!"

Adore my mom...and yes the all caps is necessary because she is a woman that gets quite excited about very funny things like this amazing weight loss machine.  One might call her an "alarmist", but I don't.  Nope...not me.

Like Y2K.  Remember that?  Yes, she was terrified that wild dogs would be running through the streets because of the end of the world.  And it took her forever to get a Facebook page because the internet will STEAL YOUR IDENTITY!

So...she tells me about this new machine her chiropractor has in his office...and she called it the jiggle jiggle machine.  I promise you this is a G rated post except I may have to move that to PG simply because she called it the jiggle jiggle machine and that just sounds wrong.

So the jiggle jiggle machine is something you stand on and then you just turn up the jiggling vibration to as high as you want it to go...its supposed to tone and firm muscle and help you burn calories.  Only 10-15 minutes per day is the claim and unbelievable health benefits...

But anywho...she tells me to find it (she always calls me to search the internet for her because I'm really good at that google thing.) because she wants to know how much it costs...

I found a few way out of any kind of intelligent human price range...and then...SHAZAM.  $250 bucks on Amazon.com...the Crazy Fit Massager Full Body Vibration Machine!  And its on sale and you know you want to click that link to find out more about the jiggle jiggle machine.  Plus its 87% off right now and you save $1,743.51.  Seriously.

It makes you want one...doesn't it?

And I couldn't help myself...I sent her the link and let her know now is her CHANCE to own her very own jiggle jiggle machine. 

I'm guessing my stepdad won't mind watching her exercise on that thing. 

An exercise in will...

Its one of those days today...a day when I'm just not feeling satisfied with anything that I'm eating.  I feel hungry...not really physical hunger because I know I'm getting enough food...so I guess that means its head hunger.  Which is by far the harder hunger to satisfy.

So its an exercise in will for me today.  My head hunger craves carbohydrates...comfort food.  So instead I ate watermelon.  And because sometimes watermelon gets a bad rap for being a sugary fruit...I looked it up to see what its really all about.

• Watermelon averages 40% more of the cancer-fighter lycopene per serving than tomatoes.
• A 1-cup serving of watermelon also provides 10% of the daily value for vitamin A, 12% of the daily value for vitamin C, along with vitamin B6, beta carotene , thiamin and potassium.     
• 1 cup (balled watermelon) = 46 calories.  
• Watermelon is a natural Viagra.  Yup...that's right...Viagra.  Note to self...beware of feeding this to your man when you aren't in the mood for a little nooky!
• It helps heal joint inflammation
• 92% water which means it a natural diuretic and helps keep kidney stones from forming.
• It helps reduce high blood pressure.
• Helps regulate blood sugar levels by helping with insulin secretion.

And  now that your health lesson on Watermelon is over...isn't watermelon just a fun summer fruit?

As a kid the small town I grew up in we had an annual corn and watermelon feed.  Literally hundreds of ears of corn cooked up in the city park and hundreds of watermelons cut into pieces for us to eat to our heart's content.

Seed spitting contests as a kid were always a highlight of watermelon eating...

And, how many of you had your mom tell you that if you swallowed watermelon seed then you'd have watermelon grow out of your ears? 

Seriously...there is just nothing like watermelon juice running down your chin on a hot summer's day...

And now are you all in a hammock, soaking in the summer sun with a delicious wedge of watermelon in hand?

Ahhhhhh......

I showed up.

I have a long history of weight loss attempts in my life.  Starting from about age 16...all the way to today.  So...thats 26 years of trying to lose weight.  UGH.

Way too long with way too little success.

I've tried lots of different things.  Jenny Craig was my first try.  My mom set me up there.  I remember feeling weird about the whole process and hating their food...plus the food was SO expensive and we didn't have the money for it.  My mom never said anything about that...in fact she encouraged me to still order it, but I just knew...so I quietly let it fade into the background.

The one that I've had the most success with is Body for Life with Bill Phillips.  I still love his program.  Its actually not THAT far off from what I do now...and the before/after photos are so inspiring. 

The one thing I did NOT do with all my weight loss attempts was go very public about it.  I would say little snippetts here and there, but I did not jump in with both feet and declare..

I AM FAT.  I WANT TO BE SKINNY!  I WANT TO BE HEALTHY!  I AM LOSING WEIGHT!

This time, I did.

And I love the support I've found.

Anyone thinking about lapband needs to immediately visit Lapband Talk.  Look...I even linked it for you!  Its a great source of information from pre-surgery questions to post-surgery information.  I spend at least 20 minutes on there every day...and I'm making friends...both online and local that understand where I'm at.

Second...I really like MyFitnessPal for tracking food and exercise.  Its the easiest tracker I've found.  I have some friends on there (that are also on Lapband Talk) but I do not use their forum or chat.

Finally...my good old standby site that has brought me so much love...Sparkpeople.  I have at least 3 friends from this site that I've known for 5+ years and even met them in person and they will remain lifelong friends.

Finally...Can I just tell you that right now my husband, who is deployed and in Afghanistan, has been such a big cheerleader.  He can't even read this blog (they are blocked by the Army) but we just finished this little chat exchange and so I wanted to say, "Thanks for the encouragement, babe."

Me:
Just finished my workout and sitting down to work. 35 minutes of run walk - 2 miles total - 290 calories burned...doesn't seem like much when you write it out like that.

Him:

yeah, but it doesn't take into account how much your metabolism will work now that it has been kick started..

Me:

Yeah...its also a great indication of just how out of shape I really am. lol

 

Him:

but it is a cycle of improvement. as you lose weight, you will have less to carry, you'll be able to run longer and faster which will allow your cardio vascular system support you better

you are doing a good job..

 

Me:

Thanks babe. I know I'm doing much better than I have in a long time. I just don't want to get discouraged this time. Maybe I'm trying to keep my expectations low for that reason.

 

Him:

then you can't say stuff like "doesn't seem like much when you write it out like that"

because you got up, you got on the treadmill and you did it.

most people don't even show up.

 

Yeah...thats right.  I showed up.  BOOYAH!

Obsessive Compulsive Scale-watchomnia

I have a disease.

Its called Scale-watchomnia and I'm a little obsessive compulsive about it.  What that means is I find it fascinating how a weight can fluctuate through the day by as much as 5 pounds...in fact, I think my biggest spread was 8 pounds between a morning weigh in and an afternoon post lunch weigh in.

So I get on my scale a lot.  And by a lot...I mean anytime I happen to be upstairs and near my bathroom.

I've had people tell me that its unhealthy mentally to do this, but I've never been discouraged by my actual weight number  What discourages me is trying to pull a pair of pants over your hips and having to jump up and down to get them up.  Or having to suck in your gut to button and then you are in pain all day long (which I refuse to do, BTW).  Or looking at a photo and seeing a double/triple chin and hating to even LOOK at yourself because of it.  Those are mentally more deflating than any number on the scale that I've ever seen.

So this morning I got on the scale and it said...LO

WHAT?  I tried again...actually I tried about 4 times with the same results.

For now I'm going to take that to mean that I've been exercising so much and working so hard that even my scale is very proud of me.  "Way to go, Anna!  You have a LO weight!" 

And after I get the batteries changed in it...it will go back to telling me the truth. 

Running (wo)man

Anybody remember the 90's?  Actually, clarification - early 90's?  Those were the days when I wore Cross Color clothing to look rasta hip hop cool?

C'mon...Cross Colours?

No way you don't remember me running around in those bright red pants...or yellow.  Good lord...I really did dress like that...but even more than the clothes was the DANCE MOVES.

Little known fact:  I was voted "most likely to dance at random times" at our last family reunion and I blame thank my 90's dance crew for making that a reality in my life.

Like the Running Man...

Photo added to remind you exactly how cool one looks when performing the running man correctly.  I used to rock the HOUSE with my dance moves.

And then I lost the fire...the color...the moves...and got really fat.  Ugh.

So...this morning I got up at o'dark hundred and got ready to run on my treadmill as my first official day of my C25K program.  And just as I was heading downstairs both kidlets woke themselves up.  Now I know myself well enough to know that if I don't bust out the exercise in the morning...I can procrastinate and excuse away every other chance to do it...so I got those kids up and cooked them breakfast then stuck baby boy outside in the garage in his highchair and baby girl in a camp chair and they had their breakfast while I did my morning run.

And really this has nothing to do with the running man dance move except that when I am in good enough shape to not slip and fall or jiggle the bod all over the place I will once again be rockin' the house with my own running (wo)man dance moves...

Sabotage! Will I ever learn?

There is a saying in the lapband world that the band can curb hunger, but not head hunger.  For an emotional eater, such as myself, this could be the kiss of death for a successful weight loss.  So, in addition to learning how to eat better, slower, smaller portions and chewing to mush...I am also having to learn to ignore the head hunger cravings...

I am slowly winning the actual hunger battle.  It's not perfect yet.  I forget about the band and take a bite bigger thn I should...or eat too fast...or don't chew we'll enough...in fact it happened this morning when I had a piece of peanut butter toast stick firmly until I was able to choke it up.

But, I'm eating much less and exercising more...and as we all know...those two things are what creates an environment of weight loss.

I am not winning the other battle.  In fact, I am losing the head hunger battle in a spectacular fashion.  If i walk past candy...I eat it.  At night I crave carbs and give in.  It's not true hunger...it's bad habits and years of conditioning to soothe my emotions with food.  I miss my deployed husband.  We are working to keep our relationship together which is a huge source of anxiety.  I get stressed being the only responsible person for two small babies.  I am working part time on top of everything else...  And all those emotions want food...actually...they want processed carbs and sugar.  And I'm giving in.

Sabotage.  It's the same old story that I tell with every diet.  I start off strong then sanotage my good work.  Only this time it has to be different.  It's not an option to fail at this.

I started tonight.  I put the kids in bed and immediately I found myself in the kitchen wandering and looking for something to snack on.  Good thing I had prepared...there is nothing to eat that's not good for me food.  So...I had a slice of cheese and a sugar free Popsicle.

And I've upped my bedtime...if I'm sleeping I'm not eating.

I've now kicked my butt and now I'm off  to bed.

I made my goal!!!

Ooooh!  I've been so bad!  I didn't post on the 9th...and I promise it wasn't because I was bad and ate birthday cake.  Actually, I didn't even eat one piece of cake.  Not one.  I did, however, indulge in a rice krispie treat (lest you make the mistake and think me really disciplined!)

But the big lapband news of the day was that I made my goal!  Woooot!  Actually, I beat my goal.  So, I discovered when I got my first fill that the doc registered my starting weight at 264.  I hit 237 on June 9th - thats 27 pounds total!

Woohoo!

Now on to minus 50 pounds.  Oh, and photos.  I'm going to take photos and then on to minus 50 pounds by August 23rd...MY birthday.

First Fill

I loved my doctor appt today.  It's been a long time since I have said those words.

1.  My blood pressure was much lower than normal.
2.  I weighed in at 240.5 which equals 24 pounds lost!
3.  My pulse was lower than normal.
4.  I was in and out in 20 minutes.
5.  I got my first fill.  (3cc's in my 10cc band)
6.  I didn't cry like a baby with that huge 3.5 inch needle.

Success!

Just 5 days to lose 4 pounds...

5 days...4 pounds...

It sounds like an advertisement for a Biggest Loser campaign of some sort.  And let me just tell you that I'm going to be really grumpy if I don't meet my first goal of 25 pounds lost. 

I seem to be stuck at 240.4 right now...can't seem to budge that number.  I've been there for a week.  With an occasional pound up, but NEVER a pound down.  Maybe my scale is afraid of the 230's?  Its afraid I won't be back to visit as often?  That must be it.  I've got a pathetic, insecure and lonely scale.

HA!  I have put "Operation drop 4 pounds in 5 days" into full swing though. 

1.  I started the C25K yesterday.  I ran/walked for a good 30 minutes...with an extra 25 pounds of stroller pushing and a 4 year old on a hot wheel tracking alongside me.

Then on my off day, today, I did weight loss yoga with Bob from Biggest Loser.  Holy crap that kicked my butt.  I do not move that way.  Imagine a whale...not just any whale...I like to think of myself as a beluga whale...regardless...a whale that is in plank position.  Yup.  Thats what I FELT like...ugh.  I think the worst part about a yoga DVD is that you have to be able to see what they are doing and downward dog is not a position condusive to seeing a television screen.

2.  My first fill.  I'm going to make a scrapbook of my lapband and make a whole page for my first fill.  It is a big milestone in lapband world.  (did you know there is a whole community of banders that discuss this stuff?)  Anywho...it happens on FRIDAY!  Woohoo!  Super excited to see what, if any difference the first fill will make.  Most go on a full liquid diet for 24 hours after it and then slowly introduce food back into their bodies.  That ought to be at LEAST a pound or two's worth of effort???

And about that fill...I've been told its less pain than a blood draw.  Glad to hear that.  The size of that needle still makes me a little nervous.

So keep your fingers crossed that I can budge the scale down FOUR more points in the next 5 days.

Not meeting my goal is not an option.

Milestone! My first PB!

Hahaha...prepare to be grossed out.

So, I've been catching up in the lapband world trying to familiarize myself with the lingo.  I ran across the term PB early on.  

Dying to know what it stands for?

Productive Burp.

It's Definition in LB world is when you eat something that can't go down and it comes back up.  I know.  You are thinking that I should just call it throwing up, but wait!  There is more...because its not just the PB...it's the slime.

Yes, you read me correctly.  The slime.

Slime is the LB way to describe what happens before the PB.  It's foam and slime that comes up BEFORE the PB.

And yours truly has now experienced both those milestones.

The culprit?  Deli meat.  I didn't chew it enough.  

And yes, I learned my lesson and will forever more chew into mush.