When its not easy...

Up until this week I've had it pretty easy.  As in...easy to comply with what I needed to comply with to lose the weight.  I've carved out time for exercise without having to be too inconvenienced.  I've managed my meals without having to change up a whole lot or having to cook separately for my kids.  I've felt like I've had lots of support and encouragement.

Then last week arrived and blew it all out of the water.

My baby boy started teething molars.  It started with spit and snot and then came the fever and vomit and now finally a full body rash.

Turns out it wasn't just teething molars...right now the docs are thinking its a strep rash, but his first strep culture came out negative.

What does that mean for me?  Lots of little to no sleep nights...which translates to little motivation to exercise which translates to lazy butt syndrome.

Then my daughter started school..which started out fine...we had a good schedule and rhythm going and then I got the call...she got selected to be moved into a completely different class to lower class sizes and it starts at a different time than what she is currently in...

What does this mean to me?  Hours of scrambling trying to figure out new daycare, nanny hours, exercise options, dance classes, etc..etc..etc....which translates to emotionally tired and grumpy...little motivation to exercise...stress eating of CHOCOLATE...and, of course...lazy butt syndrome.

And those are just two examples of crazy out of the ordinary stuff that is going on right now that has made the last week really tough.  Its a week where I just wish my hubby was home to take just a tad bit of the load off...an extra hour of sleep...a phone call or two...dealing with the school...dealing with the vomit...Its a week that makes me write a "Dear Deployment" letter.  Short and sweet its basically this...

"Dear Deployment,

You suck.

Me."

And so for the last hour (because I just let the concious thought enter my head that today I've eaten an ENTIRE chocolate bar all by myself and I felt a little horrified by that...) I decided to take an hour of meditation and figure this out.

Because life isn't always going to be easy and I can't derail my progress every time I get thrown a curveball (or 12 curveballs at once!).  In fact, what I realized is that this is a huge reason I gained as much weight as I did.  Curveballs create emotional eating needs in me.  Its my coping mechanism to sit on my butt and eat chocolate so I don't have to DEAL with the other stuff. 

I mean...I eventually DO deal with it.  I'm efficient to a fault and it can be a real source of contention between hubby and I that I will frequently "just get it done" instead of letting someone else accomplish a task that was their task to begin with....  But before I become Miss Efficient...its all about soothing my anxiety with food.

So.  I'm declaring my independence today.  Independence from emotional eating.  During my meditation hour I realized that as much as I like to be spontaneous...sometimes the best idea is to have a plan.  So I've got a few...alternate plans for days that just don't end up the way we think they are going to.

I also gave myself permission to not be perfect in this lapband journey.  Don't get me wrong.  I've already "failed" at a number of things, but I don't want that guilt to translate to emotional eating...so if I miss a day of exercise it doesn't mean that tomorrow I need to eat a chocolate bar instead of exercising too.

And I'm trying to get it through my head that when life gets tough on the people we love (my kids and my husband etc) its just as important that I keep taking care of myself as it is that I take care of them.