And its a byproduct of my weight loss.
I had an aha! moment today as I watched all these things leave my house. I have held on to stuff just like I held onto my fatness for so long because its protected me. Its kept me from having to deal with stuff that makes me sad...like the fact that my "baby" is now 19 months old and talking and runs and jumps and isn't really a baby anymore.
All those baby toys and clothes and shoes and things that have a history of just being touched by my munchkins was really hard to get rid of...I can't even tell you how much blubbering I will do when I take the crib apart and little dude gets a big boy bed.
Anywho...it made me stop and think about my weight. Its protected me for so long and given me an identity that I'm comfortable with. I'm the funny fat chick. I'm the one always ready to try a new diet. I'm the one who "wears her weight well."
With my weight loss that identity is changing...and its a little scary.
In fact...remember my boob job option? I had the consult. If I want a reduction its a go. I'm TERRIFIED of losing my boobs right now. They are painful and cause my back to ache, but it feels like one more thing that will change my personal identity...I've always been the girl with the big boobs. Who will I be when they are gone? Who will I be when my weight is gone?
Its very hard for me to even imagine how I will identify myself in 50 more pounds.
So that was my aha! moment...I realized that I had to really start to think about the other parts of me that I want to be recognized and known for.
If anything was possible you all would call me wonder woman...the sexiest most awesome super hero of all time....that would be a cool new identity. ha ha ha.
P.S. Her boobs aren't small either. ;)
So...in other news...201 weigh in today. Just two days and two pounds to make my 199 goal by 9 months out. (say a little prayer for me!)
Saying a little prayer right now. I came to the realization of holding onto things just now when I went to go find my winter coat. I had to move bins is clothes I haven't worn in years and I was thinking the whole time.... Why do I still have these? So they are going to be sorted and donated.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! It's very liberating.
DeleteI had a reduction in 2003 and it was the best thing I ever did. I had just lost a ton of weight and was going through some of the same feelings about it all that you are. Well...the weight came back, obviously, but through all the years and the 2nd round of weightloss with the band, my boobs are still fantastic. Ha! Did I just say that out loud?? Seriously...facebook me if you want more info about the reduction. It was life-changing in the best possible way.
ReplyDelete