Dry Heaves

Last night was NOT a good recovery night.  I wasn't feeling well..nauseated mostly...so I had eaten very little that day.  Around 5pm I vomited up air bubbles.  This had happened once before and I figured I was good...

I put the kids to bed and because I was feeling so sick decided to head there myself.  I laid down and immediately shot up...the feeling of having to vomit washed over me...I tried...I really tried not to, but it wouldn't stay down.

I had nothing in my stomach so I dry heaved about every 5-10 minutes from 8pm until midnight.  I finally took oxycodone at 10pm hoping it would relax my stomach and knock me out.

It might very well have been the worst night of my life thus far in terms of health.  Ugh.

Vomiting is scary for a 7 day post-op lapbander because they tell you it will rip the stitches in your stomach, cause the band to slip or break or worse.  I was so worried I had done some irreversible damage to my band...

I was too weak and tired to even think about it last night, but this morning when I got up I felt pretty good.  I did call my doctor and he said tough it out until our scheduled 1week appt...which is tomorrow!!  I can do that.  I was still too afraid to eat anything today, though...it made my tummy churn.  I managed about 3TBS of carnation instant breakfast and a Popsicle.  I also sipped a little water.

I suppose if nothing else I'll lose some weight because I'm too afraid to get those yucky dry heaves again!

**Warning** Incision photos!

I know its not pretty...in fact its the exact opposite of pretty.  But, when I started this process I wanted to capture all the parts of being lapbanded...not just the glamorous parts (which I'm still looking for...ha ha ha)

So...I had 4 main incisions made...and one small one on the side that I'm not really sure what it is.

The bruising makes it look much worse than it is...but they are covered with the dermabond and I've literally had no pain associated with the incisions themselves. 



 

Aside from the lovely stretch marks, I hear that the incision marks will eventually completely go away or leave just the smallest of marks.  Thats never really been a concern of mine.  I'd take scars for health.

Day 5 lapband...

I admit it.  I went through a night of tears and regret.  I thought I'd made the biggest mistake ever.  I felt sick to my stomach and couldn't breathe very well.  I was in pain.  I was tired.  I was miserable.

But I made it through that night...and then the next and now I'm at day 5.

Here is my opinion...The worst part of lapband so far is the gas that was in my stomach. So terribly painful. Terrible. Did I mention the pain? I actually threw up air bubbles. Thats how bad it was. Now that I'm a few days into it the gas has dissipated and my body has started to reregulate itself better.  I know that was the aftermath of surgery and being pumped full of air...and the fact that its ultimately unrelated to having a band around my stomach makes me think I'm going to do great with the band.

Today I've had my vitamins/medicines and a carnation instant breakfast and I am wondering what the next step is.  I'm not supposed to eat anything but liquid until May 16th.  That seems like a REALLY long time away.

So, I'll keep sipping my protein shakes, my cream of chicken soup and having the occasional sugar free jello and keep my fingers crossed that the pounds start coming off and all this hard work is really worth it. 

I'm now officially lapbanded!

Wednesday, April 24th at 9:15 I walked into the hospital and got ready for surgery.  By 11:30AM I was given my general anesthesia and by 1PM I was waking up in the ICU. 

At 3:30 I was taken in for an upper GI test and it all looked good.  Doctor decided to keep me overnight because I was having a hard time taking deep breaths.  When I got done with the upper GI I walked around the ward 3 times and then felt absolutely exhausted.  I crashed until about 10PM.

I woke up at 10PM and felt great.  Surprisingly great.  Like there was no way I'd just had surgery that day.  I decided to go for another walk...and after 5 times around the ward one of the nurses told me if I went 8 times I'd have walked a mile..  So I did! 

They gave me big thumbs up.  Said I was one of the first and only bariatric patients they hadn't had to force up and out of bed.  They gave me good encouragement whih made me feel good about the progress I had made so far.

It seemed like every nurse I talked to had a family member or knew somebody that had failed at bariatric surgery.  They didn't eat right, didn't exercise, didn't take multivitamins...it was awful to hear their stories.  I know they were trying to motivate me, but at the same time I decided that I needed a little different motivation...so I spent some time researching before and after photos and people who DID do what they were supposed to do and I felt much better about my decision.  Yes, there are complications that can happen, leaky bands, erosion, etc., but the vast majority do succeed and lose the weight and learn how to eat healthy and start exercising.

Thats my hope.  This is my goal.  Eat right.  Exercise.  Live healthy!

One Terrible Habit...

I fell into my SOP when it comes to dieting stuff...SOP meaning standard operating procedure...

I fell off the food tracking wagon.  I stopped paying close attention to what I was eating.  I stopped organizing out my day and my food.

Its a terrible habit I have to start something full throttle and do extremely well and then let it slide when I think I have it under control.  Because I happen to know that I DON'T have it under control.  If I did I wouldn't be getting a lap band wrapped around my stomach in THREE DAYS.

Its not that I was eating really poorly or overeating for that matter.  I just stopped thinking about it in advance and then when hunger mode hit I'd eat what was available...not always the best choice. 

For example...I ran out of greens for my salads...so my staple the last two days has been pasta instead of salad.  Thats too many carbs right there and I know it, but I didn't preplan.

I also ran out of milk...making my protein drinks hard to stomach with water = less satisfying.

These are the reasons that I fall off track and end up eating wrong for my body.  And this isn't going to be fixed by the lapband.

I do know a huge part of what is going to have to change in me is my habits.  The band will force a change in how much I can eat and even the types of things I can eat, but its not going to change my mind.  Its not going to turn a switch in my brain to start behaving differently when it comes to my habits.  I'm going to have to make changing me a priority...something I've never been able to do long term.

Now, on the plus side...I've gotten more exercise this weekend then I have in a long time.  I mowed and edged and trimmed and cut and weeded and planted and took long walks with my kids.  I got a lot done and felt accomplished...and I got a lot of exercise in to combat those carb calories and simple sugars.  So, overall I guess it wasn't a total disaster, but it can't be my norm.  It just can't.

STOP THE PRESSES!

My surgeon called this afternoon and asked me if I'd be able to change my surgery date to NEXT WEDNESDAY...April 24th!  I'm thrilled!

It's almost like the stars aligned to make this happen...the two biggest questions for me were the diet and my kid's childcare.

1.  I started that diet too early.
2.  My dear friend is dropping everything and coming to help me out with kids and recovery.

SIX DAYS!!!

Overly Eager...

So, I actually looked at a calendar today and in my excitement and zeal for this surgery to finally occur I knocked an entire week off the schedule.  Yup.  Its not LAST monday I was supposed to start that liquid diet...it was NEXT monday.

Whoops.

Honest mistake....**sheepish grin**

So, today I had less liquid and more food, but kept within my calorie limit.  It slightly increased my carbs and decreased my protein, but I still did fairly well on both as far as staying in good ranges.  So, I'm proud of myself in that aspect.

A whole week mistake.

See...here is the deal.  That overly eager attitude is really here because of all the things I'm looking forward to.

1. I want to feel good and live a long life.
2. I want to skydive and scuba dive. (both of which I've put off due to weight concerns.)
3. I want to do a sprint triathalon. (it still seems too lofty a goal to actually dream of a REAL triathalon...)
4. I want to rockclimb.  (It's physically impossible for me.)
5. I want to just pick a pretty something off a rack in a store and be able to just buy it.
6. I want to be able to move without weariness and pain
7. I want to smile and not worry about a double chin.
8. I want to go to my annual checkup and not hear the words morbidly obese and diabetes.
9. I want my children to be healthy.
10. I want to look in a mirror and not silently criticize everything I see wrong...or the reality now...I want to want to look in a mirror.  (I don't even own a full length one!)

I don't think those 10 things are too much to ask.  And I suppose if I have to wait one more week I can manage that as well. 

May 6th cannot get here fast enough!

Totals:  Calories 1448     Carbs 116     Fat 61     Protein 107
DAILY FOOD TRACKER

What am I most worried about...

Here is the great part about a post called, "What I am most worried about..."  In a few months I get to come back and laugh at myself at the silliness of even worrying a second about these things...

But...as I sit back and savor my frosty chocolate protein drink I can't help but feel just a little apprehensive about a couple of things...

This is my current list of things I'm just a wee bit anxious about...

1.  Anesthesia.  Yuck.  I had it once...during my c-section with baby boy and it was awful.  Awful to wake up from, awful for the continued vomiting, awful grogginess.  The stuff is just awful.  I was NOT excited to know that I'd be put under with anesthesia.

2.  Fill Needles.  They are big and scary looking.  I don't like needles in general, but big scary ones I like even less.

That thing is a MONSTER.

3.  Vomiting.  I hear its just one of those things you do often because when relearning to eat after a band you make mistakes and plus you just aren't sure what will "go down" and what won't.  But, I hate throwing up.  I hate the sensation...

4.  Lapband not working.  It might sound silly, but what if I'm the .0000whatever% that just can't do it?  Wouldn't that suck? 

Thats kind of it...when you type it all out suddenly it doesn't seem quite so scary and in fact maybe a little silly.  (except the part about the needle)

Totals:  Calories 1311     Carbs 106     Fat 38     Protein 137
DAILY FOOD TRACKER

Liquid Diet

Horror...yes, it was all horror stories when I heard about the pre-op diet that bariatric patients have to adhere to.  I was relieved when I read the liquid diet my doctor prescribes...and when I say liquid diet...I mean MOSTLY liquid diet.  I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea about exactly how painful this process is...so let me just tell you what the next two weeks of my eating will look like:

Breakfast - high protein shake (150 cal)
Snack - high protein shake (150 cal)
Lunch - small lunch - low carbs and less than 400 cal
snack - high protein shake (150 cal)
Dinner - small dinner - low carbs and less than 500 cal

I'm actually only supposed to eat one meal per day at less than 900 calories, but I prefer to split it so I don't feel like I'm starving on high protein shakes...which will be getting very old very fast.  I also can eat next to nothing in the sugar realm and no caffeine or carbonation.

Unfortunately on day one I've already deviated from the schedule.

For breakfast I had a shake.
For snack I had a shake. 
Its now 3:30PM and I haven't had anything else to eat. 

I was busy working!

And now we see how I got myself into this mess to begin with.

So naturally my stomach is growling and not very happy with me for not putting something delicious in it that doesn't taste like chocolate high protein shakes.

Actually what it would prefer to have is a big old turkey and avocado sandwich...which isn't off the list of things I can eat as long as its open faced, but alas I've got no avocado in the house.

Its only day 1...and not even the end of day 1 at that.  I will master this.  I will...

Calories - 1,595     Carbs - 109     Fat - 45     Protein - 185
DAILY FOOD TRACKER

The Awakening...

A couple of years ago I started this Fat and Sassy blog to follow my regulated and structured goals for weight loss...after deleting the total of six entries I had made (see how well that weight loss thing worked for me?!) I am resurrecting it tonight.

Tonight being 12:30 AM on a night I should have been asleep hours ago.  But its like Christmas Eve for me.  Tomorrow is the start of my 2-weeks pre-op diet for lap-band.  Yes, that's right.  I've trashed the idea that I can lose this weight on my own and am lap-banding on May 6, 2013.

I struggled initially with the idea of sharing my decision.  I was very clear about keeping it quiet/secret/mums the word, but as I have mulled over the reasons behind that I realized that it stems from my shame at being fat.  Honestly, this whole weight stuff really messes with ones mind.  I actually said to my husband that I don't want to tell anyone in case it doesn't work.  Shame.  Embarrassment.  Failure.  Words that most overweight people are very aware of.

And then I remembered who I am...and I'm not ashamed to talk about weight issues or my weight...its been plastered out there loud and clear for years on the sparkpeople.com site.  Sparkpeople has been my main tool for tracking my weight loss (or lack thereof) progress.  In fact my sparkpeople name since 2007 has been Fat and Sassy so you can see the title of this blog mirrors my everlasting forever long journey of weight loss that has consumed me for many many years.  And the whole story behind my fat and sassy name is one that I love to tell... **side story**

While driving through a small Oregon town with my husband we saw a few handmade signs advertising worms for sale.  As we continued through town there was one in particular that made us laugh...Worms for Sale!  Fat and Sassy! 

Is there any question at all about what worms you'd want to fish with? 

The "joke" stuck with me in that despite my weight I was a sassy lady with an opinion (and sometimes no filter to keep that opinion to herself) and thus deserved some respect much like those sassy worms.  

And really, its sad that I have to qualify it with the words "despite my weight", but the reality is (whether we like it or not) opinions are formed about who we are that are partly based on how we look.

So, here is a first step out of that inital mindset that this is a process I should be ashamed of or embarrassed about in any way...what better way to do that than to throw it all out to in a www.blog that anyone can read.

And as I document this journey from my first entry what I want my readers to see is not shame, embarrasment or failure... instead I hope they see my pride in making a good decision about my health, laughter at the mistakes I'm bound to make and ultimately in the end...a successful journey through weight loss.

Who would have thought I'd be excited about all this the night before I have to essentially starve myself on a liquid diet for 2weeks!   

Today I am fat and sassy...but not for long.