Monday, April 15, 2013

The Awakening...

A couple of years ago I started this Fat and Sassy blog to follow my regulated and structured goals for weight loss...after deleting the total of six entries I had made (see how well that weight loss thing worked for me?!) I am resurrecting it tonight.

Tonight being 12:30 AM on a night I should have been asleep hours ago.  But its like Christmas Eve for me.  Tomorrow is the start of my 2-weeks pre-op diet for lap-band.  Yes, that's right.  I've trashed the idea that I can lose this weight on my own and am lap-banding on May 6, 2013.

I struggled initially with the idea of sharing my decision.  I was very clear about keeping it quiet/secret/mums the word, but as I have mulled over the reasons behind that I realized that it stems from my shame at being fat.  Honestly, this whole weight stuff really messes with ones mind.  I actually said to my husband that I don't want to tell anyone in case it doesn't work.  Shame.  Embarrassment.  Failure.  Words that most overweight people are very aware of.

And then I remembered who I am...and I'm not ashamed to talk about weight issues or my weight...its been plastered out there loud and clear for years on the site.  Sparkpeople has been my main tool for tracking my weight loss (or lack thereof) progress.  In fact my sparkpeople name since 2007 has been Fat and Sassy so you can see the title of this blog mirrors my everlasting forever long journey of weight loss that has consumed me for many many years.  And the whole story behind my fat and sassy name is one that I love to tell... **side story**

While driving through a small Oregon town with my husband we saw a few handmade signs advertising worms for sale.  As we continued through town there was one in particular that made us laugh...Worms for Sale!  Fat and Sassy! 

Is there any question at all about what worms you'd want to fish with? 

The "joke" stuck with me in that despite my weight I was a sassy lady with an opinion (and sometimes no filter to keep that opinion to herself) and thus deserved some respect much like those sassy worms.  

And really, its sad that I have to qualify it with the words "despite my weight", but the reality is (whether we like it or not) opinions are formed about who we are that are partly based on how we look.

So, here is a first step out of that inital mindset that this is a process I should be ashamed of or embarrassed about in any way...what better way to do that than to throw it all out to in a that anyone can read.

And as I document this journey from my first entry what I want my readers to see is not shame, embarrasment or failure... instead I hope they see my pride in making a good decision about my health, laughter at the mistakes I'm bound to make and ultimately in the end...a successful journey through weight loss.

Who would have thought I'd be excited about all this the night before I have to essentially starve myself on a liquid diet for 2weeks!   

Today I am fat and sassy...but not for long.

1 comment:

  1. That is so awesome--I really want to develop your mindset of "no more shame." My secret, shameful binges to me were so shameful that I didn't seek help for years, and now I'm paying the price for that. I'm so glad that you are bringing this topic out in the open! :)