On the Naughty List...

Oh!  I've been soooo bad this past week.  I am totally on the lapband naughty list right now.

First...I want to know who is responsible for bringing so much candy, chocolate, cookies and frosting into my house this past week.  Seriously.  Who did it?!

I LOVE Christmas and in the past thats meant I really get into the spirit of things and Christmas revolves around three or four things depending on who you are or your age...

First....Baby Jesus.  The reason for the season, you know.
Second....Santa...the big fat man bringing presents.
Third...Family....let bygones be bygones...love and forgive and all that jazz...and
Fourth...FOOD.  Cookies, fudge, chocolate, hot chocolate, candy canes, gingerbread houses....

And I embrace all four and run with them for the entire month....but not literally or maybe I wouldn't be whining so much.  I mean if I literally was running then I wouldn't be so concerned with the incredible amount of sugar that I've eaten over the past 7 days.  What I should have said is that I embrace all four and am waddling my way through the month...

Ha ha ha...

So I DID go to zumba one day this week.  And it being the first class since I came back I totally shook my bootay like a rockstar...

Anywho...I"m working through how to have Christmas without so much sugar.  It may be impossible because I can't seem to find a good solution...

So part two of this list...you remember that "in onderland by New Years" goal I threw out there to the cyberworld? 

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Back from Paradise!

Ahhhh....Mexico...sweet Mexico...I miss you, your sunny beaches and warm sand already!

I returned yesterday from a 19 day trip to Arizona and Mexico.  The impetus (if you aren't familiar with my Army Wife ramblings) was a 14 day visit with my soldier home from Afghanistan for RnR after being deployed for 9 months.  We also had a large family reunion over Turkey day.  

Short and simple....I had TOO MUCH FUN.

And I exercised exactly twice during those 19 days.  And I ate Frog eyed salad and 5 different types of pie and ice cream with caramel sauce.  I lazed around and pushed away the nagging "how much will I gain" question looming in my head.

The answer....ZERO!

*pause for the happy dance!*

April 24, 2013 - Start 264.4

Last weigh-in: 211.8

This week 208.2

Granted I didn't break any weight loss records over the past 2.5 weeks, but I didn't GAIN!

And so I set a new goal this morning after seeing that scale....

Onederland by January 1, 2014.

Whoop it up with me now...whoop whoop!

Fat Tuesday Weigh in and Confession...!

April 24, 2013 - Start 264.4

Last weigh-in: 213.2

This week 211.8

Yay!

Ok...confession.  Immediately following Halloween it was like a crazed chocolate fiend had been set loose in our house.  In fact, the damage was SO bad we now call it the Snickers Massacre of 2013.  It was like the Jimmy Kimmel "I ate all your Halloween candy" prank only it wasn't a prank!

*sigh*

It was tragic and the day after the "incident" I stepped on the scale at 217!!!  A FIVE pound overnight gain.

Horrified.  And humbled back to recognition of how easy it is to fall back into old habits.

So I am THRILLED that the next time I stepped on the scale (this morning) I had shed my layer of snickers fat and even dropped an extra pound.  

Phew.  That was a close call.

And...I know I've been absent for a bit...I'm just trying to survive the next few days before I leave to meet my main squeeze in Mexico!  So...if I'm absent again you can just know its because I'm salsa dancing my way around Cozumel!

The problem with eating...

Ok...so I've got a high class problem...

I don't want to eat. 

Like, at all.

I'm actually hungry right now but there is nothing in my house that has tempted me to take the time to cook...so maybe that is the real problem...I want good protein based food and I don't want to have to do anything to get it except open my fridge and pull it out. 

Like LapBand Eats New Orleans BBQ Shrimp recipe.  Go to the link and just look at that deliciousness and tell me you don't want it right now.

I cannot believe I'm complaining about not wanting to cook my food. 

I should be thankful I HAVE food.

But that never really makes me feel better and like I said...I know its a high class problem, but its been going on for a week and that means I've not been getting in enough calories or protein for any kind of sustainable activity...

...and I'm tired...my body is wearing down and I can tell if I don't take better care of it I'll get myself sick or be really crabby with my kids and that makes me feel bad which gets me down...

...you see the cycle I'm starting right now???  Not one I need.

Maybe its stress?  Its so close to seeing hubby for RnR...I am stressed and nervous about that...not about how I look...its just....well...unless you've had your spouse/partner away for extended time its hard to explain how it makes you nervous to have them come back into your life...even if you love them and have missed them like crazy.

Today I've had a cup of Bolthouse vanilla chai (SOOOO GOOD) - it was the last cup in the bottle or I might have had more of that today.

And I cut up apples for peanut butter took one bite of an apple and put it all away in the fridge.  Then I tried some yummy Columbian bean stew my neighbor made me and took one bite and put it all back...

I think I need a menu plan...and lots of recipes I can use a crockpot with so I dn't have to think about it.

Tell me to stop whining about this already.

I am SUCH a lapband diva today.

Fat Tuesday Weigh In

There it is...0.8 pounds since last Thursdays weigh in...keeping with my 1 pound a week loss quite nicely.  

April 24, 2013 - Start 264.4

Last weigh-in: 214

This week 213.2

I finally made it back to the gym...seems like my kids are on the mend...(fingers crssed)...and my last bit of news...

Only 19 days until I get to see my sweetheart!

Fat Thursday...6 months post-op

It's arrived...my 6 month "bandiversary" is finally here.  I'm thrilled to welcome it in and have bestowed the name "saggy era" to this 6 month post.  Even though I can see the sags are less than they were 6 months ago.  But, now that I've had a taste of what successful loss can be I'm pretty eager and motivated to keep pushing myself.  Yes, the sags are there, but they are shrinking and lifting as my body changes.  I'm loving seeing the difference in how things fit.  It's been too long....much too long since I've had such a positive outlook to continued exercise and eating right!

April 24, 2013 - Start 264.4

Last weigh-in: 217

This week 214

EXACTLY 50 pounds. (+/- 0.4)

That's awesome.

With my last fill (#4--6cc's total) I have reached my green zone.  I'm simply not hungry.  It's fabulous.  I cannot/do not eat any form of bread and very little pasta.  I love soups...lentil soup in particular and chili.  

The last 10 days I've sat on my butt doing very little, but my norm is exercising 5 days/week.  

Update photos!

I had to switch out the outfit.  The looser that swimsuit got the more obscene it became.  Definitely a "what was I thinking when I bought that?!" moment.  Now I'm in something more appropriate for demonstrating body changes and I don't fear falling out in front of the camera.  Hahaha.

I'm also extremely happy with the difference in how my clothes look and feel.  I can say that I no longer have anything in my closet from the "before" era...it's all simply too big.  YAY!  I've gone down 8 clothing sizes...from a 24 pant to a 16 pant and a 2X to an XL/L shirt.  Let me demonstrate in photos...

VS

If I had to go by measurements only I'd be supremely disappointed...for as much hard work as I've done it seems like a piddly amount to lose in this amount of time....

Measurements:  now/3 months/start

Hips:  49.5/50/52 = 3.5 inches

Waist:  43.5/45/45.5 = 2 inches

2" above waist:  44//46 = 2 inches

Underbust:  37//38 = 1 inch

Neck:  15.5/15.5/15 = 1/2 inch

Non scale victories:

I ran two 5k races

My lab work numbers are improving - my last BP was 114/70

I sit with my legs crossed

I voluntarily take photos of myself.  

I'm still close enough to my start dates that I remember the pain and agony of those first 2 months....would I do it again?

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.

I'm here to tease and complain...

Yes....the title says it all...I'm here to tease...as in act coy and secretive since I didn't do a Fat Tuesday Weigh In this week...instead tomorrow I'm doing my 6 month photos/weigh in etc...probably measurements too.

Eeek! 

I had to step on the scale yesterday anyhow...I was not displeased...

But thats ALL I'm letting you know about that.

Such a tease.

And now for the complaints....

Yeah yeah...thats the line I'm standing in these days.  I'm just a big ol' grump. 

First...my kids are sick.  Again.  It feels like they've been sick since AUGUST.  Seriously.  I did find out my son is having a reaction from vaccines...he gets a mild case of whatever vaccine he gets...they think it was MEASLES this time.  Who does that happen to?

And then its allergies...or thats what they say...but allergies don't come with vomit and diarrhea, right?

Ugh.  I'm just exhausted from being so exhausted all the time.  ha ha...if that makes any sense at all.

Second...my work sitch is killing me.  I love my job, but the computer issues are making me crazy.  Our company just switched over to a new system and I've had nothing but trouble.  In fact...this post today is brought to you by "Waiting for tech support to call me back since I can't connect to my email or any of my drives."  Oh..."and the number 7 days that I've had this issue..."

Third.  Why do I have to make dinner EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

ha ha...such a first world problem, I know...but I eat so little and my poor sick kids eat so little...I make food and then its tossed because we never eat it.  I've got to figure out a better system.  I'm wasting money and food and I just hate that.  It makes me feel like a bad steward of all the things I've been blessed with.

Fourth.  This *&%##$% deployment cannot end fast enough.  Only 3 weeks until I see my husband after 9 months, but we are in that ebb that comes with deployments where we have a hard time communicating with each other so we're always grumping at each other or irritated or feelings are hurt.  UGH.  Three weeks...two weeks of together time...another 3 months.

I can do it.  Right?  Right.  I've done it before...I'll probably have to do it again.

Fifth...there really isn't anything more to complain about but 5 just rounds it out...so as of right now...my feet are really cold and I want to take a shower, but it will wake up my sick daughter sleeping in my bed.

Phooey on me.

Tomorrow I'll be in a much better mood....and it will be all rainbows and sunshine because the one thing that does keep going right is losing weight.

I heart my lapband.

Fat Tuesday Weigh in

Well another week...another Fat Tuesday and another pound!

April 24, 2013 - Start 264.4

Last weigh-in: 218.2

This week 217

I'm feeling smiley about that.  

In another 9 days I'll be doing body pics for my 6 months out post.  Eeeek.  I can lose a couple more pounds to hit 50 down, right?  That's my goal.  9 days, 2.6+ pounds and a look at an evolving me.

Oh my aching...

Somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain was the thought of "this might be a bad idea..." but hey...I feel like wonderwoman these days with how much energy I have gained because of how much weight I have lost.

So...I had been talked into signing up for an Army spouse Walk Out Stronger Crossfit competition.

The idea was your soldier did a set of run/exercises during a 25 minute timed period and then we spouses did the same/similar run/exercises for the same 25 minute time period and then they awarded prizes for the most awesome of all awesome crossfitters. 

So....I've never done crossfit.  Had heard alot about it...had heard great things...had heard it was a killer workout...and in my (pea) brain I thought...how hard can 25 minutes be?

Oh. My. H. E. double hockeysticks...

I did the modified version of the crossfit competition exercises...that would be an 800m run then 10 reps of each of the following three exercises over and over until our time ran out...Squats, Situps, Pullups.

Remember I did these modified, but even still...

I was so proud of myself at the end.  I freakin' did FIFTY FIVE situps.  FIFTY  pullups and FIFTY FIVE squats along with an 800m run all in 25 minutes.

And...I beat my soldier's score.  Woot!

This is me and my other ladies...it was only female spouses that signed up.  I didn't win a dang thing except a whole lot of awesomeness for actually doing it and kicking my own arse.

Oh!  but wait....then the next morning I got up and did a second color run. 

Yes...I did.

With my kids.

I am so sore and achy...its 7:43 and as soon as I finish this post I'm going to bed with two advil to try and miraculously heal my muscles tonight because I've got ZUMBA in the morning baby!  Woohoo!

Three Reasons I love Wendy's chili....

While hubster is deployed I treat myself and the kids to one night/week out to dinner....it keeps me from feeding them processed crap by the bucketfuls because it gives me a break from cooking...and as much as I'd like to appear as Martha Stewart...I can tell you that often I'm scrambling for something to eat for dinner that I can make in 20 min because lil' dude is hollering like he's going to starve to death.

So...most of the time dinner out is NOT fast food.  Its a restaurant where we eat well and someone else cleans up after me and my kids.  I love that.  But occasionally lil' dude is screaming like he's going to starve to death even on eat out nights and then we head to Wendys.  We love Wendys.  I love it because I love the chili.  I'd never even had the chili until I lapbanded and then a friend turned me onto it as a "fast food" option that won't bust my gut...The small value size is exactly one cup and its got bean and meat = protein.

180 calories

4 g fiber

13 g protein

Not bad for fast food.

So...tonight was a Wendy's chili night...and my kids wanted a cheeseburger and nuggets respectively and they got these in their kid's meals...I laughed and laughed and laughed.

So...good chili and two good laughs.  Can't beat that for $6 total!

Fat Tuesday Weigh in and Fill #4

I'm out of the 20's!

Yippeee!  Yahoo!  Wahooo!  Yowza!  I'm throwing myself a little party here.  I'm so thrilled I can hardly stand it. 

April 24, 2013 - Start 264.4
Last weigh-in: 221.2
This week 218.2

Remember I've been depressed and complaining about being stuck...well, I finally busted through that and I'm hoping to continue to see a downward trend. 

I have to say that I'm owing this largely in part to continuing to exercise.  I didn't slack off even though I felt like nothing I was doing was making any difference.  So if you are frustrated KEEP EXERCISING!

I also should probably credit my last fill for at least one of these pounds. 

Which, by the way...I'm finally...FINALLY feeling like I'm thinking I should be feeling with true restriction.  I've got 6cc's in the band now and the thought of trying to eat a piece of bread is a big no way for me.  At this point with other fills I could still stomach a lovely piece of pizza if i wanted. 

Could I finally have hit my "sweet spot???"  I would love that.  LOVE.  Its so motivating to finally see some progress.

Did I mention that the doc said, "Woah...you look great."  when he saw me last?  He said the numbers might not be going down, but my body is toning and there is a definite difference.  Yayayaya!  So...I took a picture of myself just to compare....

I LOVE MY LAPBAND!!!!!

About 11 months ago...check me out...YIKES! I'm in the middle of my pregnant sister and nephew...

11 months later...face is SO MUCH THINNER.  This was a no shower day so no judging the hair.  Besides...remember my thing about posting unflattering photos?  Yeah...it can only get better from here.  ha ha ha.

And I'm wearing the same shirt you see in the first photo.  I had my daughter stand on a chair and take this for me this morning.  ha ha ha.  Sorry about the kitchen/playroom background, but oh well...the point is the DIFFERENCE.  Even I can see that. 

PS...those are my size 14 pants I just bought.  EEEEEEEK!

10 Things Friday Night?

I've never really done a 10 things thursday, but I'm in the mood to blog today so hey!  Why not?!

**and now here it is Friday night and I'm just finishing it up...so...yay 10 things Friday Night!**

1.  I wish it would either be fall or summer....TN/KY can't seem to decide...so its hot sticky and humid out today and cold wet and cloudy yesterday.  That kind of crazy back and forth weather just means I'm going to get a cold.  I may have to open a can of whoopass on the weather...

2.  I'm on the outs with protein drinks.  I can't seem to stand them right now which is bad because its one of the ONLY ways I get in enough protein.  **forcing one down my gullet as I type.**. I can only stomach Atkins and Pure Protein right now...what kind do you use?

3.  FOURTY TWO DAYS.  Thats all thats left until I get to see my husband after 9 months of deployment.  Then we have another three to go...but I'm counting down...FOURTY TWO DAYS.

4.  When I see him in 42 days we are going here... Cozumel, Mexico...I am SO SO EXCITED.  It's my first time to Cozumel and I'm looking forward to beaches, sunshine, Mexican food and a little romance.

5.  I kicked my butt today again in exercise-land.  I did Tabata AND Zumba.  Ugh.  I'm so sore and tired.  Today's tabat moves were speed skater, plank walks, high knee tire run, and back lunges with a hop.  

6.  Today (Friday) was a fill day!  Yahoo.  I really needed one.  Doc says my labs look good...then tells me that my numbers (labs) are on par with a Gastric patient...meaning they improved much faster than expected.  WOOT!

7.  Now for the sad part...at least sad to me.  I'm only dropping an average of 1pound per week.  Doc says that is just my body's thing.  Whatever that means...essentially that my loss will be slow...and despite my efforts to the contrary that's just how it's going to be.

8.  If you haven't watched the "I Quit" video you should.  Clever clever....and if you go HERE you can watch the original video, the company's response, and a pretty great stay at home mom parody.

9.  I have now been exposed to the most horrific creepy crawlies in this house.  I just sucked up a giant house centipede.  I've never seen one before and now I'm all skeeved out...that thing ran FAST...I had to chase it with the vacuum.  Ugh.  I just want a bug free house...is that so much to ask?

10.  Uhm...FOURTY ONE DAYS.

That is all...

Tuh Bah Tuh

Tabata. 

Heard of it?  Most people say...Oh yeah...thats something they do on the Biggest Loser show...  I didn't realize that...even though I love watching biggest loser I'm terrible about weekly shows and prefer to watch an entire season after the fact.  I'm not patient enough for that weekly cliff hanger of who is going home next stuff. 

Anywho...back to Tabata...

I tried it today and Lordy Loo...it kicked my tush. 

I decided to try out a new exercise class for two reasons.

First, I couldn't find childcare during my normally scheduled Zumba hours today.  And second, this article HERE that give really interesting and good information about high intensity interval training...

The part of the article that struck me as the most interesting was that the author dropped 7% body fat by adding in twice weekly Tabata training.

Holy shnikes.  I want those results!

So essentially the idea is 4 different exercises that you do in succession for 20 seconds each.  You get 10 seconds at the end of each one to "rest" and get into position for the next exercise...let me tell you...those 10 seconds go by might fast.  You do each set of 4 exercises twice then you get 1 minute to get a drink and rest before starting all over again with 2 sets of the 4 exercises.  We did it a total of 4 times...and that took us 30 minutes. 

Can I just say woah...tushy kicking hard.  Way harder than 60-90 minutes of zumba.  I was so tired and my muscles ached.  Its the perfect addition to my cardio, I think.   

Today we did crab kicks

Burpees

lunges with side twists

And plank shuffles

I was so tired at the end of it...and I can feel my hamstrings aching just a little.  For the next month I'm doing Tabata every Tues/Thursday before my zumba class...i'm excited to see what kind of results I get from it.  This is a precursor to me starting some weight training...I'm doing great on cardio, but need to bump up the muscle mass I think.

My friend asked me if I had fun...I was like, "uh no.  But its a good workout."

So, I'm going to call it progress that despite my non enjoyment of doing burpees I SHOWED UP and did it!

And for a girl that used to hide from exercise at all costs...this is a major step forward.

PS.  Fat Tuesday will again be on Wednesday because I had a weird schedule this morning again....

Fat Tuesday

ETA...I tried to post this yesterday...not sure why it didn't post through...Let Fat Tuesday become Fat Wednesday...its all the same. 


Well...I don't know if I'd call it a breakthrough of my plateau, but I've dropped 1...one single pound this past week.  *sigh* 

**photo coming...having issues with uploads**

Start 264.4
Last week 222.2
This week 221.2

The extremely slow rate of loss is frustrating me a great deal.  I need to figure out what is next...Am I eating too little?  too much?  too irregularly?  wrong foods? 

I'm exercising quite a bit...I know its not that.  I zumba, run, ride bicycles...my activity level is 10X what it used to be pre-lapband.

I did stand in front of my mirror today and got a glimpse of what the loss will eventually bring.  My body is definitely shrinking...so despite the number on the scale I am so glad about that.  I'm glad I can see it in other ways...the fit of my clothing, my physical ability, strength and agility.

In one more month it will be 6 months post-surgery.  I'm kind of excited to see those 6 month photos I'll be taking to match up to my start and 3 month photos.  Hopefully the shrinking is not all in my head. 

Unlike lots of overweight people I have always seen myself *smaller* than I actually am.  I have an extremely unrealistic idea of what my body actually looks like.  I used to ask my husband...am I that big?  or that big...pointing at two larger women of different sizes...to try and guage how others actually saw me.

I was always a little shocked at the response...

I think part of it was because I've always been athletic if not an athlete...so while not a runner I played volleyball or softball or rode bikes and went camping and hiking etc...I think I probably always mentally thought of myself around a size 12/14...not a size 22/24.  Thats why I need to take these 6 month photos for comparison.  I don't want to get complacent thinking I'm looking great when the reality is so much different.  I may look BETTER...but I don't want to stop there.

So...just a little prost to weight loss.  Another week ahead of me...and I'm shooting for 2 full pounds.  I want to see the TEENS!!!

Fat and Sassy is out. 

Color Me Rad Nashville!

Five months ago I was a sad sad overweight creaky old lady who could barely tie her shoes...Five months ago I ran for 30 seconds and felt like my lungs were going to explode and I was going to fall over and die.  Five months ago I weighed 45 pounds more than I do right now...

Five months ago I couldn't have run a 5K.

On Saturday, September 21st I finished my first ever 5K run wearing a red white and blue tutu that belongs to my 4 year old daughter because it FITS around my waist (and she thought I looked beautiful in it.) 

This was a great day.

I very nearly missed out on it too.  My weeks have been filled with sick kids and all the drama that goes along with it.  I was tired, worn out and dreading the run.  The morning of the race was cold...rain and thunderstorms...I had every excuse in the book not to get up and drive at 5:30AM in that mess of weather to Nashville for this run.

But I didn't use them.  I showed up.  BOOYAH!

And I ran...with one earphone in listening to some Pitbull as I kept a steady pace.  I ran slower than some and faster than others but it didn't matter.

I've been struggling with my progress these past couple of weeks...feeling like I'm doing it wrong, not losing fast enough, not seeing the results I should, comparing myself to others...

Now I realize how far I've come...and I'm so glad I didn't give up when it was hard.  I'm so glad I didn't fall back into old habits.  I'm so glad I finally feel like I DESERVE better health.

My current frustrations seem a little silly when I think that if I accomplish the exact same results in another 5 months I'll have lost 90 pounds, be running 10Ks and my daughter and I will still be sharing tutus.  

I am strong.

I am beautiful.

I am worth it!

 

I had to start all over again...

On day 4 of my 5 day pouch test reset I realized I was doing it all wrong.  I did the 5 days, but instead of limiting myself to what each day was scheduled for I ended up adding the new day's food to what I'd been allowed to eat before...

And so I quit and decided to start again today.

And I'm glad I did because I don't think that my pouch was reshrunk...I was still super hungry and overeating with the variety of stuff I had to choose from....

Last week's modified version actually worked pretty well for weight loss.  It looks like a 1.5 pound drop so far...I'll do my official weigh in tomorrow on Fat Tuesday.  That kind of confirms my theory that this was related to the amount of carbohydrates I'd been consuming...they were becoming my primary source of food instead of protein. 

So here I go again with Day 1...Liquids...

Days One & Two: Liquid Proteinlow-carb protein shakes, broth, clear or cream soups, sugar-free gelatin and pudding.

The first two days are all liquids. You can have as many low-carb protein shakes as you like to satisfy hunger or cravings. In addition drink at least six 8-ounce glasses of water each day. The purpose of all liquids is to break any snacking, grazing or processed carbohydrate habits. In addition the liquids will work to cleanse your system and prepare you for the following three days...

So far today I've had an Atkins protein shake and a cup of Campbells Sweet Potato Tomatillo soup.

(SO GOOD)  And I am feeling quite satisfied.

Here is the other awesome thing about this process...my blood sugars are STELLAR right now.  In fact, with as few carbs as I've been eating I could probably completely go off my insulin and be just fine.  Loving that.  Loving the feeling of being healthier. 

I have to keep telling myself that the end results are so worth it.  I'm frustrated with where I am now, but holy moly...I was thinking this morning about where I was 5 months ago pre-surgery...45 pounds heavier...struggling to even put my shoes on...and now I'm doing JUMPING JACKS as a zumba warmup and I'm not even winded.

It is all so worth it.

Day 1 - 5 Day Pouch Test

Wow...this is hard.

Harder than I thought it would be.  Day 1 of the 5 day pouch test...its 7PM and I am H.U.N.G.R.Y.

And because my tummy won't stop rumbling from lack of carbohydrates this blog will be focusing on food because I'm obsessing about it right now. 

I've only managed 500 calories so far today out of my alotted 1200.  Plus, depending on your school of thought I zumba'ed so if you eat your exercise calories then I'm in a really big deficit of food right now.  I personally do not eat my exercise calories so it doesn't really count for me. 

Confession...

I did not make my meal plan nor did I go to the commissary last night.  Instead I went this morning and winged it.  Ugh.  But, I think I'm in pretty good shape right now.

What I did discover is I'm bored with my normal protein shake.  Actually, part of the problem is that I don't like the taste of it much without being able to blend fruit into it...a carb no no for me today.  So, I went to the store and bought some Atkins shakes...I prefer the dark chocolate ones...Yum.

I am also trying a Pure Protein Shake...23g of protein in one of these.  I've never had one before...its whats for "second dinner" tonight. 

Overall I made it through the day, but I really did miss being able to eat solid food.  I've never lasted two days after a fill on full liquids...I'm terrible at cheating myself that way.  Day one of getting back on track!

5 Day Pouch Test

I've plateaued.

I've plateaued and I'm pretty irritated about it.  I've spent the last few weeks hovering around 224/223/222...back and forth between those three numbers and no matter how little I eat, how much I eat, how little I exercise and how much I exercise I can't seem to bust through it. 

And the worst part is that this is exactly where I stopped losing before...its the lowest weight that I've been at in over 10 years.  Warning...temper tantrum alert...**I DON'T WANT TO STAY HERE!**

I really really want to be in Onederland by the time I next see my husband.  I'm not going to make it if I keep bouncing around in the 220's for the next month.  It breaks all my goals I set for myself and is very demotivating.

I'm feeling grumpy.

My daughter totally understands my grumpiness and empathizes with it.  (isn't that the CUTEST grumpy face ever?)

 

So I've been poking around online and found the 5 day back to basics pouch test and I'm going to try it this week.  Starting tomorrow.

The idea is that it breaks a carb addicts cycle (totally me right now) and it shrinks your pouch back to small so you can get a fresh start on your eating behavior. 

I decided that my carb intake must be to blame for this plateau.  I'm guessing that really because I'm eating far more than I should be with each meal because I WANT carbohydrates...I'm talking crackers, bread, etc.

When I went to see my nutritionist he said I shouldn't have to exercise 5-6 days/week for an hour to lose weight...he said that my eating should automatically be making my weight loss happen.

But its not.  I'm afraid if I wasn't being a zumba-maniac I'd start GAINING weight and that is SO NOT HAPPENING.

(I'm yelling at myself...its helpful when one feels grumpy and can only type out the frustration.)

So...because I've been so bad about follow through I'm going to document my journey daily on my blog.  Its all about accountability for me.  And if anyone else ever gets in the same bind they can see what it is that worked (or didn't work) for me...

So, my preplan is this...1. I'm writing out a comprehensive 5 day meal plan following the 5 day pouch test rules.  2.  I'm headed to the grocery store this afternoon to stock up on what I'll need.

Totally doable.

Interested in the 5 day pouch test?  Go HERE or just read the condensed version below...

Days One & Two: Liquid Protein
low-carb protein shakes, broth, clear or cream soups, sugar-free gelatin and pudding.

The first two days are all liquids. You can have as many low-carb protein shakes as you like to satisfy hunger or cravings. In addition drink at least six 8-ounce glasses of water each day. The purpose of all liquids is to break any snacking, grazing or processed carbohydrate habits. In addition the liquids will work to cleanse your system and prepare you for the following three days.
 
It is very important to drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water each day. This will prevent dehydration, will help curb cravings and will flush your body of toxins and fat. Sufficient water intake improves kidney function and cell processes.

Day 3: Soft Protein
canned fish (tuna or salmon) eggs, fresh soft fish (tilapia, sole, orange roughy.

Day 4: Firm Protein
ground meat (turkey, beef, chicken, lamb), shellfish, scallops, lobster, fresh salmon or halibut.

Day 5: Solid Protein
white meat poultry, beef steak, pork, lamb, wild game

The next three days you get to eat as much as you want as often as you want! Ahhh, but there's a catch: it has to be solid protein and you only get 15 minutes each time you sit down to eat. No drinking 30 minutes before or after meals and no drinking with your food. A dry pouch will hold your soft protein longer helping your to feel full and fed longer.

You don't have to eat the whole thing...

I ate sushi tonight.  It was really yummy...like just hit the spot yummy.  I had a little sushi pack that had a total of 12 rolls in it.  Pretty healthy amount of sushi...something I could have polished off plus add a spicy tuna roll or two, a dragon roll and a bunch of edamame on top of it all just a few months ago.

But tonight I ate 4 rolls and I felt pretty satisfied.

And then I kept eating.  And I finished off 6 rolls.

And I kept eating.  And before you knew it I had eaten 11 of the 12 rolls of sushi...and now I feel pretty stuffed and I feel a little sick to my stomach.

Why did I keep eating?

It wasn't a cognizant thing.  I realized after the fact that i kept eating because there was still food on my plate.

I grew up in a family of 7 kids...all of us farm kids running around like crazy all day long and we all had healthy appetites...and my mom is a meat and potatoes kind of cook...so we had hearty meals pretty much every day...

And I was taught from an early age that you cleaned your plate.  You just did.  I can't tell you how many times I was told to be grateful for what I had because of the starving children in Africa...which is just such a terrible terrible thing and I wish that by me cleaning my plate that would have actually DONE something for a starving child anywhere...

But it didn't...what it did was teach me to overeat.

So as I stared down at that one last sushi roll I have to admit it took everything in my will power not to just eat that last roll...to walk it to the garbage can and throw it in.

**As a side note...I don't save sushi as leftovers...its only good fresh and otherwise is nasty and scary (as in what bacteria is growing on it) and no way am I going to eat that**

So - back to my story...I didn't want to eat it because I was hungry for it.  I wanted to eat it because it was food leftover and it felt wasteful.

Yes, my family composted, grew our own garden of veggies, recycled like maniacs and we were not WASTEFUL and we were GRATEFUL.  And somehow that translated into my 40 year old mind that I still had to clean my plate even though it would make me sick and hurt my body.

I did a little research on it and while there isn't any statistical things linking overweight adults and the "clean your plate" phenomenom I did find some good articles... like this one HERE.

And I realized tonight that I make my child eat more than she wants.  When she says she's done I tell her 3 more bites...or 4 more bites...

I'd hate for her to have similar issues with obesity as an adult.

An unrecognized NSV (non-scale victory) is just being more aware of what took me to the weight that I was at.  Little things like "clean your plate" and "don't be wasteful" that have trained me to think I have to eat eat eat and eat some more.

Fat Tuesday Weigh In

I was a little afraid of my weigh in today.  I took a week off.  Yup.  Ok...more like 5 days off...I exercised on Monday with a 1/2 hearted zumba class then didn't get off my butt again until Friday...And then did 2 days of running 2 miles each and some informal bike riding at my 4-year old with training wheels pace...not exactly breaking a sweat with that...

I needed a break.  I needed a breather.  I needed to veg on my couch and rewatch hours of Project Runway.  ( I LOVE that show.)

But I didn't want to completely derail all the good habits that I had started and in my vegetative state I discovered that my "lifestyle" has changed.  I'm just simply a lot more active than I used to be in general. 

That felt good.

And I knew this wouldn't be a long term break.  I've only got 3 months until I see my sweetheart and come hell or high water I WILL weigh less than him.  For the first time EVER (since we met.)  I'm determined to be in Onederland by the time he sees me again. 

And so I stepped on the scale and did a little dance. 

Highest recorded weight - 284
Starting weight w/lapband - 264.4
Banded 4/24/2013
Last week - 224.6
This week - 222.2


So I still lost and that makes me happy.  I'm not where I had hoped to be.  I'm still 8 pounds more than my next goal that I had wanted to reach by today...but the loss is steady and I can't and won't complain.

Astrologically speaking...

I was born on the cusp of the Leo/Virgo star sign.  And I just had a birthday.  I turned 40...eeeek!  A huge milestone birthday spent sopping up baby puke...but thats neither here nor there...the whole point is that I wanted to talk about my star sign.

Part of my Leo-Virgo horoscope reads this:

"Decisive and direct, Leo-Virgo is sure they will succeed. They can exaggerate or overreact sometimes, but they are positive for the most part. They have a natural stubborn streak that prevents them from giving up on a hard task. They are cheerful and warm-hearted. They can be very selective and discriminating when needed. They make excellent students, and make sensible business decisions."

I'd really like to think that above paragraph is true about me.  I'm not a new age junky...I don't believe the stars determine my behavior or have mapped out a path for me.  I don't burn incense, but I do like scented candles.  Not that new age junkies all burn incense, but all the ones that I know burn incense...and just to back up my position a little I hail from Oregon originally and while its a great big generalization...that essentially means I know a LOT of new age junkies...or wannabes or have been hippies. 

And I adore their other-worldness...so no offense to any new age junkies reading this blog...

And whether I believe it or not...when I read the description of a person born on the Leo-Virgo cusp it is pretty much a description of me...or of what I perceive myself to be like.

And because this past week has really turned into me spending a lot of reflective time about what I'm doing, where I'm going, and how I'm going to get there...It has been interesting to break these things down and apply them to what I want out of life.  And in particular what I want out of life with the lapband. 

So, ultimately...what do I want?  I WANT TO BE HEALTHY. 

And my hororscope reads it will be true because...

I am sure I will succeed.

I am positive cheerful and warmhearted.

I am stubborn and discriminating.

I make excellent decisions.

The end.

When its not easy...

Up until this week I've had it pretty easy.  As in...easy to comply with what I needed to comply with to lose the weight.  I've carved out time for exercise without having to be too inconvenienced.  I've managed my meals without having to change up a whole lot or having to cook separately for my kids.  I've felt like I've had lots of support and encouragement.

Then last week arrived and blew it all out of the water.

My baby boy started teething molars.  It started with spit and snot and then came the fever and vomit and now finally a full body rash.

Turns out it wasn't just teething molars...right now the docs are thinking its a strep rash, but his first strep culture came out negative.

What does that mean for me?  Lots of little to no sleep nights...which translates to little motivation to exercise which translates to lazy butt syndrome.

Then my daughter started school..which started out fine...we had a good schedule and rhythm going and then I got the call...she got selected to be moved into a completely different class to lower class sizes and it starts at a different time than what she is currently in...

What does this mean to me?  Hours of scrambling trying to figure out new daycare, nanny hours, exercise options, dance classes, etc..etc..etc....which translates to emotionally tired and grumpy...little motivation to exercise...stress eating of CHOCOLATE...and, of course...lazy butt syndrome.

And those are just two examples of crazy out of the ordinary stuff that is going on right now that has made the last week really tough.  Its a week where I just wish my hubby was home to take just a tad bit of the load off...an extra hour of sleep...a phone call or two...dealing with the school...dealing with the vomit...Its a week that makes me write a "Dear Deployment" letter.  Short and sweet its basically this...

"Dear Deployment,

You suck.

Me."

And so for the last hour (because I just let the concious thought enter my head that today I've eaten an ENTIRE chocolate bar all by myself and I felt a little horrified by that...) I decided to take an hour of meditation and figure this out.

Because life isn't always going to be easy and I can't derail my progress every time I get thrown a curveball (or 12 curveballs at once!).  In fact, what I realized is that this is a huge reason I gained as much weight as I did.  Curveballs create emotional eating needs in me.  Its my coping mechanism to sit on my butt and eat chocolate so I don't have to DEAL with the other stuff. 

I mean...I eventually DO deal with it.  I'm efficient to a fault and it can be a real source of contention between hubby and I that I will frequently "just get it done" instead of letting someone else accomplish a task that was their task to begin with....  But before I become Miss Efficient...its all about soothing my anxiety with food.

So.  I'm declaring my independence today.  Independence from emotional eating.  During my meditation hour I realized that as much as I like to be spontaneous...sometimes the best idea is to have a plan.  So I've got a few...alternate plans for days that just don't end up the way we think they are going to.

I also gave myself permission to not be perfect in this lapband journey.  Don't get me wrong.  I've already "failed" at a number of things, but I don't want that guilt to translate to emotional eating...so if I miss a day of exercise it doesn't mean that tomorrow I need to eat a chocolate bar instead of exercising too.

And I'm trying to get it through my head that when life gets tough on the people we love (my kids and my husband etc) its just as important that I keep taking care of myself as it is that I take care of them.

Fat Tuesday Weigh in and the Bokwa Fitness Craze...

Exactly FOURTY POUNDS LOST!  Woohoo!

I had set a goal of 50 pounds by my 40th birthday....thats happening this Friday.  I don't think I'm going to drop another 10 pounds in the next 4 days so I've revised my goal.

The lowest I've recorded my weight in the past 10 years is 221ish pounds.  It was just after my first pregnancy.  My new goal is to make it or pass that number.  Thats about 3 pounds.  It will be an awesome gift to myself for my 40th birthday. 

BOKWA...

Heard of it?  Me either until this morning.  I showed up for my normal Tuesday morning Zumba class and there was a sign posted that instead we were getting an exciting opportunity to try out Bokwa...the newest and coolest fitness craze.

http://bokwafitness.com/

So the basic idea is that you are drawing letters with your feet...doing exercises that create an L or a C or other letters.

Pros...you are constantly moving.  There is no stopping between songs or anything like that.  It was a pretty good workout for that reason.  The music was good tempo music and the steps were pretty easy to pick up and learn.

Cons...it reminded me personally of the old 80's aerobic's classes...but I'm not sure if that was the moves or just my teacher, who if she'd been wearing on of those old thong leotards could totally pull it off...

It wasn't very high intensity...it was a pretty steady intensity through the whole thing...no real ups and downs that were noticed by me.

Not enough arm workout along with the legs. 

I'm really hoping they aren't going to cut my zumba classes and offer this instead.  I'll be supremely bummed.  I went the extra mile and left a comment card about the class...essentially saying the pros/cons that I noticed about the course. 

If you get a chance to try it you should...it would be a GREAT class for beginners just wanting to get moving...and I do see how you can jazz it up to make it more challenging, but what can I say?

I'm addicted to my zumba.

Closet cleanout

Normally about this time of year I pack up my summery clothes and start to pull out my winter wardrobe of oversized sweaters and comfy long sleeved shirts...otherwise known as a fat girl's paradise.

Part of this process includes sorting through my clothes to allocate them to the proper box.  The sorting process all depends on what size I was this time around...because at any given moment I will have 3 different sizes in my closet to accommodate "fat days, skinny days, really fat days, just want comfort days, self conscious about the belly days, need to look a little dressed up or just lounging around days.  Now granted I think probably most women have the same wide variety in their clothing options, but how many had them in 3 sizes just in case?

This girl.

I never get rid of the fatter clothes just in case next year I NEED them.  A girl's got to be prepared, right? And I could never count on sustained weight loss.  I just never knew if the pounds would stay away or pack back on.

Not this time.  Every pound that I've lost I'm waving goodbye to permanently.  So far about 40 of them.  I'm thrilled with that...and with 40 pounds has come the evolution of sizes.

So I cleaned out my closet.

And I'm staring at these clothes and saying to myself, "holy manadgia of all chooches...everything in my closet now fits."  I can't tell you how long its been since I've been able to open my closet up and just put on anything thats in it without fear of it being too small, too tight, too whatever!

So I've waved goodbye to those size 24, 22 and 20's...and have my size 18's all hanging up and folded and it feels GOOOOOOOD!

Extra bonus points too because I've eliminated a box (size 18 clothes) that I've been moving around with me for the last 10 years "just in case I finally lost that weight."  That box equals more CLOSET SPACE!  And I'm planning the most expensive shopping trip when I hit my goal! 

Grumpy McGrumpster checking in...

Oh man...what a week.  I've just been grumpy about a variety of things...

So this picture is my daughter a year ago when we were in Austria.  She apparently was less enthused by the beauty of Salzburg...and just wanted icecream.  I think it pretty much epitomizes how I've been feeling these last few days.

First...I hate Comcast Cable.  Five weeks ago I started complaining about an issue with my internet.  Today...I finally drag my kids for the 3rd time into the Comcast office and get told by the service technician supervisor that they couldn't have possibly hurt anything on their last unannounced visit to my home where a technician spent 90 minutes in my attic messing with wiring and instead my router must have magically gone bad on the same day and he'll send a technician out if I pay him SEVENTY dollars to do that. 

And help me if I didn't say, "I'm not paying you a damn thing."  Yes. I did.

And then he GAVE ME A LECTURE about how as a retired 1st sargeant he knows that to get respect I have to give respect.  At which point I interrupted him and said...oh right...the kind of respect you've given me by not returning calls and making me track you down over the last 5 weeks to get told this?

And lets just say it went downhill from there.

There is a reason I do not deal with customer service issues in our house.  My husband, the ultimate shmoozer, ALWAYS handles it because I get heated quickly and when I get heated things don't go well ususally.

At least I know this is a character flaw and I embrace it and really do TRY to keep my cool.

Today it didn't work.  Ok honestly...today I didn't even really try. 

But darn it all when I stomped out of that office if the first thing I didn't want to do was go running. 

AND THAT WAS LIKE GETTING ICECREAM! 

Just look at that smile.

I call this a huge improvement in my stress management techniques.