Week 2

Well, it's officially been 2weeks since I lapbanded.

Starting weight: 264.4
Pre-surgery weight (after a week of liquid diet): 261.6 (-2.8)
1week post-op weight: 249.3 (-12.3)
2 week post-op weight: 243.6 (-5.7)

Total post-op loss - 18

Is it crazy that despite these weight loss numbers I'm still on the fence about this procedure?  I'm not sure if its really working or not.  Let me tell you what I mean...

Today I was supposed to be able to start eating mushies...but the truth is I can eat anything.  It all goes down.  I try and stick to the diet recommended, but when there is pot roast on the table and I'm sucking down cottage cheese I'm finding it incredibly difficult not to "cheat."

Then I wonder if its really cheating or not?  I don't know...it's not like I can never eat pot toast again, but they go to the mushies stage to continue the healing process so maybe I'm cheating my healing body?  Buh...it's all very mysterious to me still.  I think I should feel some kind of restriction, but I don't so meanwhile I stress about not doing it right or ruining my chances...gaaaah!

The good news is I did some research and read some articles and the reality is that until I get the first fill in the band I won't feel that restriction I'm thinking I should already have.

But in the meantime I eat very little because I think I should be, but I know I can't keep this up.  I'm already hungrier and craving real foods and what happens when I finally cave...or finish the next two weeks of "mushies" (that I will probably keep cheating on a little) and then I gain it all back.

It's one of those fears...the fear of failure.

So the next smart thing I did was find yet another success story and read it and remind myself that this is going to be a long process...both the weight loss as well as the brain change...seeing success and seeing changes and feeling success and feeling changes.